1. When you stop
trying.
2. When the
relationship causes more sadness than joy.
3. When your
emotional support is elsewhere.
4. When you live
separate lives.
5. When you dream
about the perfect relationship and it’s not the one you’re in.
Breaking up is hard. It’s difficult. It sucks.
But sometimes it needs to be done.
I know…I always promote repair, attempts, connection,
re-connection….
It’s like this: if your hand hurts - you don’t cut it off. If your hand really hurts – you take a pill. If your
hand really, really hurts – you see a
specialist. If your hand is turning black, is numb and is killing you – it’s
time to cut it off.
Relationships aren’t much different. Really. If you’ve
worked on your relationship and made the choice to love your partner then
you’ll do the work to keep the relationship strong. But if you’ve exhausted quality time, and the
laughter is gone and you feel like you’re the only one shouldering the weight
of keeping the relationship going…then it’s time to decide if the relationship
is over.
When you stop trying to find solutions to conflicts and
just argue then you’ve stopped putting in the effort to make things work and when
you’ve both given up on reparative effort then the end is not far off.
If you look back over the past three months and
experienced more nights in tears than in giggles…perhaps your relationship
isn’t the healthiest for you. A little friction in a relationship isn’t
bad..it’s actually quite normal. What you don’t want is the scale tipped in the
direction of sadness, melancholy, and dejection. This isn’t healthy and it
needs to be fixed before you start manifesting your feelings as headaches,
stomach aches and fatigue.
You’re having a bad day. You’re sad, upset, frustrated
and it shows. Your brow is furrowed; Tears glisten in your eyes and you can
barely manage a smile. You just want your partner to ask how your day was and
then listen. You want empathy, validation, or a shoulder to
cry on. Only, your partner is no longer the first person you go to when you’re
upset. You’ve been conditioned that he doesn’t want to hear what you have to
say…or he changes the subject…or he only wants to hear ‘happy talk.’ Women typically
have best friends that they seek out when they have a problem, but when you
feel like you can’t bare your soul to your partner chances are you’re on your
way out of the relationship.
You want to be a priority. You deserve to feel like a
priority in your relationship. If your partner is no longer asking about your
day…or not asking follow up questions to, “how was your day?” then he’s just
not interested. The two of you have separate activities and rarely spend
quality time together…it begins to look like you no longer care about one
another. You’ve lost interest and are leading separate lives. You co-exist and
the relationship is over.
If you are picturing the perfect relationship and
comparing how it differs from the one
you’re in…then something is definitely wrong with your relationship. Maybe you
begin thinking about what you want in the future…you may even fantasize about
past relationships…you only know that the relationship perfect for you is not
the one you’re in. If you find yourself uncomfortable around happy couples….It’s
time to find happiness.
Ideally you will identify markers that signify the
beginning of the end of your relationship. An intimate relationship can be
revived …but both partners have to
want it…and want it badly. You will need to reach outside your comfort
zone and do the work. Everyone wants to
be happy. Ideally you can be happy together.
Sadly, sometimes being happy means starting out alone.
