Bliss in 22 Days

Buy it here: Bliss in 22 Days

“What do you want?”

Emphasis on the want. 

Every new client hears this question during our first meeting. I usually toss my query after hearing the subtext behind actions, and behaviors, and rarely feelings.

Wants. Desires.

We all have them.

Spoiler Alert: 90% of my clients say that want to be happy.

What will make you happy?

Is it getting that promotion you’ve been yearning for? Is it the high-powered vehicle cloaked in your garage? Is it losing those last five pounds?

Yes. Yes, because you’re successful when you’ve reached your goals…you’re happy you have a new promotion so that you can take that Tahitian vacation or pay off your high balance/high percentage school loans…you’re overjoyed as your shiny ponytail whips in the wind during an afternoon convertible drive zooming on desolate roads. . .you’re giddy you can finally fit into your 7-16 denim skinny jeans.

Are these fleeting experiences enough to feel happy?

Happiness…is it experienced intrinsically or extrinsically?

Psychologists have long toyed with the definition and interpretation of the word ‘happy.’  Finding your inner gaiety does not need to be laborious or far-reaching. You just need to change your brain.

Yes. Change it.

Throw out the concept of ‘positive thinking’ and embrace ‘realistic thinking.’  Express gratitude. Maybe you don’t have a glossy Red Monster of gas guzzling endorphins on four wheels parked in your driveway, but you do have a reliable mode of transportation to get you where you need to be. Maybe those over-priced denims are still hanging in the back of your closet, but you do have clothes that fit, are clean and are comfortable.

Yes, I realize I’m presenting you with a ridiculous scale of comparison, but the truth is that ‘happy’ can only be found from within you. Not somebody bringing you flowers, and not the layers of shoes stacked in your closet.

Wants. Desires.

I believe success lies in being happy. Happy with who you are and happy with what you have.

Finding your happy is a process; it’s a journey.

Happiness is perspective, reality and gratitude.

Don't wait to be happy. Don't try to find it in another person.

Happiness is a choice; it can only come from you. 

My journaling workbook will take you through a 22 day process to help you find your joy.

Always finding my happy,

Lesa

Self-Care

Perfectionism, self-love, self-nurturance, pressure, self-care.

How often does your focus shift from self-care to self-aloofness?

Too often I see women who should ease up on the pressure to be perfect, the pressure to take care of everyone and everything and forget about the importance of self-nurturing and self-love.

Self-nurturing means more than getting your nails done or ordering a pizza on a Friday night – it’s a path back to your heart.

* Self-care is not optional.

                Running yourself ragged for too long cannot only lead to overeating and symptoms of depression, but it can affect your adrenals creating a problematic health path you don’t want to walk.

*Stay away from drama.

                You get what you put out. If you act in a way that is positive and  {with} minimal drama, you attract the same kind of positive situations and people. ~April Myers

If someone repeatedly comes to you with catastrophes, give yourself a window of time for listening and then take care of your own needs by walking away.

 *Self-care can take minutes

                It’s a myth that you need to spend an entire day pampering yourself.  If you have that mindset then you are likely to  think that you never have time for self-nurturing. Just three minutes before bed to breathe deeply and sit quietly will reap wonderful benefits.

*Self-care is affordable

              An expensive vacation or day spa package is not necessary.   A walk through the park, an Epsom salt bath, or 10 minutes of stretching can go a long way to refresh your body and mind.

*You have the right to practice self-care

                Taking care of everyone and everything else is not a prequesite to taking care of yourself. Self-care gives you the energy and nourishment needed to accomplish greatness.

*Self-care does not mean choosing  between yourself and others.

When you are not taking care of yourself you can end up in a cycle of deprivation leading to  frustration and fatigue. Put your oxygen mask on first before helping those next to you!

L

5 Ways to Stay Independent & Maintain a Strong Relationship

By Summer Rayne Oakes

As a strong, independent woman, I recognize the need for autonomy in my own life — in and out of a romantic relationship. And as a close friend of Kate’s — who is another self-reliant, freethinking individual — I couldn’t help but inquire about how she manages being a wife and mother. “I am still working through the transition,” she confided. “[I realized] we had to be partners and get past the love part. The love part becomes the foundation you rely on when things get tough.”

After the conversation, we came up with five ways to be autonomous while maintaining a strong relationship. Ironically, I feel that preserving some of your independence only gives a relationship more strength, spontaneity and longevity.

1. Take a time out. 

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed in a relationship, particularly if you're spending your time tending to the needs of other people and forgetting your own. When you identify this, do yourself a favor and take a time out. Go read a book, take a walk in the park, get a massage, or even take a hot shower to have some quiet time.

2. Don’t forget your friends.

How many times have you heard friends complain that they never see you anymore ever since you’ve been hitched? The strong bond you build with your friends is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in life. After all, to whom can you turn if the waters get a little turbulent with your significant other? Make the time for close friends — even if it’s one day a week. A girl’s or guy’s night out may just be the recipe for a successful relationship in the long run. 

3. Have your own hobbies.

As much as it's important to have activities that you do with one another, it's also vital to maintain your own sense of self through activities that speak to your individuality. Perhaps you and your counterpart love to run together, but he or she can’t stand yoga. That’s ok. Explore the activities that bring you together and don’t be afraid to continue to do the ones that give you a sense of self. 

4. Have some alone time.

Beyond taking a time out, it's important to give yourself an extended vacation from life once in a while. “I need a lot of time by myself to recharge,” Kate admits. This may mean taking a retreat away to another city or training for a triathlon or half-marathon, which gives you an extended amount of time to let your mind wander. 

5. Communicate openly. 

Communicating openly with your loved one is far and away the most important aspect to the health and longevity of any relationship. Even if you don't see eye-to-eye all the time, there's an undeniable power behind telling your counterpart when you feel as if you need time away. This will only add to a deeper understanding of your needs, and often will result in a compromise that you can both agree on.