If not you…
If you’re not the one providing your partner with
validation, affirmation, and/or reassurance I can guarantee you that someone
else will.
Once your partner begins to feel that s/he can’t trust you
with daily activities, frustrations, inner thoughts and fears then expect
disconnection and disengagement to strengthen.
For example:
A comes home from work and expresses a concern that (pick
one: he’s about to be fired, he feels your connection has weakened, or he
doubts his abilities in general).
You (Y) dismiss his concerns, or tell him he’s being
foolish, or ignore his concerns and without providing validation begin talking
about your own problems.
A stops sharing.
Remember…if not you then someone else will be available to
replace the need that you haven’t or won’t meet.
A goes to the gym to let off steam. There he runs into S. S
begins to ask how he’s been lately and A opens up about a concern. S listens. S
affirms. S reassures.
A becomes less inclined to open and share with Y because,
based on past experience, he believes Y does not care and will reject his need
for emotional closeness, validation, etc. Instead, A waits until he sees S
again and seeks the emotional support that S is willing to provide. An
emotional bond has begun.
Don’t let this happen to you.
Love means listening to your partner and being available,
present and mindful when your partner needs you. Love means making the choice
to support your partner. Love means making your partner a priority.
If you don’t make the choice to listen to your partner then
someone else will.
