6 ways to reconnect with your most powerful self

BY AMANDA CHRISTIANBetween all the tasks, people and activities competing for our attention every day, it’s so easy to get lost in the routine and lose touch of our most powerful, loving selves. Before we know it, we’re acting out of habit or are glued to the computer. The following are some ways I get real, and come back to myself:

1. Spend time alone.

Spend time alone with no social media or cell phone. Gasp! Most of us are connected all the time, and it's very easy to get out of touch with how we feel. It’s so important to spend time with yourself every day in order to recharge your self-love battery and come back to the awareness of the loveliness all around you in this moment. 

2. Feel your feelings.

There is nothing “spiritual,” positive or holy about hiding your feelings and pretending you are happy when you’re not. This doesn't mean that you need to act on all your feelings; instead, be honest with yourself about what you're feeling so that it can move through you and be released. You become more real by becoming more honest. 

3. Journal.

Becoming more honest with yourself might bring up some feelings about your past that need to be released. Write them down. My journal is a mess of misspelled words, run-on sentences, unfinished poems, weird doodles and the occasional “ah-ha” moment circled with stars and exclamation points. There are no rules. Just let the feelings and ideas out!  

4. Spend time in nature.

Mother nature is my best friend. No joke. Whenever I'm feeling a little funky, usually from too much computer time, I throw on my sneakers and head out to the woods for a little forest therapy. Deeply breathe in the fresh air, hug a tree, smile and remember all the love you have in your life right now. 

5. Release the need for external validation.

Most of us are motivated to do and say things based on the way we think others are going to respond. This isn't good or bad, but it’s meaningless. You can’t control or predict how other people feel or react. Go with your gut. Set the intention for peace. When you act from a place of authenticity, likability will follow. I promise.

6. Claim your power.

Don’t be afraid of outshining others. As Marianne Williamson said, “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Don’t be afraid to go after your passions and let yourself shine.

Now that you’ve just spent time reading how to be more true to yourself, how can you apply these ideas? It’s in the application of the ideas that you will experience the change. Today I challenge you to do at least one of the things above.

Want an idea? How about ditching the cell phone and venturing out for a walk by yourself? Bring your journal to write out your feelings, sit under a tree and bliss out. That’s the makings of one delightful authentic connection with my most powerful loving self if you ask me! Soak it in.  

Authority vs. Power Over / Power Under

Much pain and suffering comes from confusion about the difference between authority and power over.  In an ideal world, someone who is in authority has earned that authority through experience and learning.  For example, your boss has a certain authority at work.  She is likely able to hold a big picture of what is happening with the business and it's employees and what needs to happen.  She has earned this authority through work experience and education.  Because of this earned authority you and your co-workers give more weight to her ideas, decisions, and directives.  You trust what she is doing most of the time in regards to work decisions.

But when you give your boss authority in areas other than the immediate work environment or when you trust her every decision without checking in with your own sense of integrity, you are moving into a power over / power under consciousness.  For example, your boss doesn't get to weigh in on weather it is healthy for you to take an extra shift this week.  Only you have authority over your own self-care.
The reasons for slipping into a power over / power under consciousness are many and complex and volumes have been written about this topic (http://www.nvcworld.com/the-heart-of-social-change).  For our purposes here, the important thing is to learn to notice this for yourself and be able to return to a consciousness of power with.

Here are some telltale signs that you have put someone in power over you:

*You believe your needs are not as important or you don't deserve to have them met.
*You don't speak up when something is happening that is a violation of your ethics.
*You ask for or willingly receive advice from this person about areas of your life outside of the dimension in which he or she has authority.
*You bend your sense of personal boundaries to acomodate this person's wishes.
*You feel like you are in a trance around this person, like you can't access all of who you are or your sense of what's true.
*You feel smaller, speak in a smaller voice, or literally make yourself smaller through posture.
*After talking to this person you feel confused or fuzzy or disconnected from yourself.
*You lose your sense of humor and creativity around this person.

Here are some telltale signs that you have put yourself in power over another:

*You believe your needs are more important or you deserve to have them met before others.
*You make most of the decisions regardless of context.
*You announce what is going to happen rather negotiate to consider the needs of others.
*You give unsolicited advice about things not falling in your area of authority.
*You become angry and resentful if someone doesn't follow your advice or do things in a way you expect.
*You view the other as incapable, pitiful, and in need of your rescuing.
*You imagine you know what is right for another without asking them.
*You think a lot of about what this person or group of people should and shouldn't do.

In a "power with" consciousness, you maintain awareness and responsibility for your needs and values while being able to consider and hear the needs of others.  When you receive guidance and directives from someone in authority, you are able to discern your response in integrity with your needs/values and all the details relevant to that context.  If something seems off, you are able to ask questions of the person in authority.  You have clarity the boundaries of this person's authority.  You remember that the needs of all living beings are equally important regardless of roles and responsibilities.

Practice
Take a moment now to reflect.  Is there a relationship in which you slipping into power over / power under consciousness?  What are the signs?  Can you also find some examples in which you are maintaining a power with consciousness?  Your intimate relationship, parenting, work, and spiritual communities are all good places to watch for these dynamics.

Lashelle Lowe Charde