Basic Relationship Advice

Basic Relationship Advice

Pick up any glossy magazine or browse  Google for an article on love and relationships and you’re bound to find a bevy of how-tos and what-to-dos. If you are currently in a relationship or are actively seeking one – here are some basic things to think about:

1. Understand the role of romantic relationships.

We are attracted to the opposite sex for varying reasons. Sometimes it’s the sound of his laughter, the soft beard that covers his dimples, his honesty, or the way he twirls you around the dance floor.

We may feel comfort, sexual attraction, and/or affection. However, the larger role of romantic relationships is to help us to grow into the best version of ourselves.

How do you feel about yourself when you are together?

Your relationship satisfaction and fulfillment is based on your authenticity, boundaries, and ability to recognize the amount of learning and personal growth you receive from the relationship.

2. There is no perfect person.

Wait! What?

Sorry to burst your glitter-filled bubble, but there is not perfect mate…only the perfect mate for you.

Build your relationship foundation on shared core qualities (trustworthiness, respect, unconditional love, passion, etc.) and work together to create your ideal relationship. Expect learning curves, growth and lots of learning.

3. Shelve the idea of Happily Ever After.

Thanks Hans Christian Andersen for the fairytale ending of finding the one perfect person to spend the rest of our lives with…a subconscious thought form imbedded at an early age.

Some relationships are meant for a lesson, a brief interlude, a decade of connection and some for a lifetime. Watch out for the trap of finding your ever-after-partner.

Appreciate what every relationship has to offer and fully commit to that person. Just be cautious when your mind leads you to the fairy tale castle of happy endings.

We can appreciate what the relationship has to offer us. We can even be committed to that person. The quality of an authentic romantic relationship does not need to be diminished because there is no projected future. Take your time and honor what the present moment has to offer you. However, be cautious when your mind starts selling you on the dream of a future and you begin to sell your partner on that idea.

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If not you...

If not you…

If you’re not the one providing your partner with validation, affirmation, and/or reassurance I can guarantee you that someone else will.

Once your partner begins to feel that s/he can’t trust you with daily activities, frustrations, inner thoughts and fears then expect disconnection and disengagement to strengthen.

For example:

A comes home from work and expresses a concern that (pick one: he’s about to be fired, he feels your connection has weakened, or he doubts his abilities in general).

You (Y) dismiss his concerns, or tell him he’s being foolish, or ignore his concerns and without providing validation begin talking about your own problems.

A stops sharing.

Remember…if not you then someone else will be available to replace the need that you haven’t or won’t meet.

A goes to the gym to let off steam. There he runs into S. S begins to ask how he’s been lately and A opens up about a concern. S listens. S affirms. S reassures.

A becomes less inclined to open and share with Y because, based on past experience, he believes Y does not care and will reject his need for emotional closeness, validation, etc. Instead, A waits until he sees S again and seeks the emotional support that S is willing to provide. An emotional bond has begun.

Don’t let this happen to you.

Love means listening to your partner and being available, present and mindful when your partner needs you. Love means making the choice to support your partner. Love means making your partner a priority.

If you don’t make the choice to listen to your partner then someone else will.