Bliss in 22 Days

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“What do you want?”

Emphasis on the want. 

Every new client hears this question during our first meeting. I usually toss my query after hearing the subtext behind actions, and behaviors, and rarely feelings.

Wants. Desires.

We all have them.

Spoiler Alert: 90% of my clients say that want to be happy.

What will make you happy?

Is it getting that promotion you’ve been yearning for? Is it the high-powered vehicle cloaked in your garage? Is it losing those last five pounds?

Yes. Yes, because you’re successful when you’ve reached your goals…you’re happy you have a new promotion so that you can take that Tahitian vacation or pay off your high balance/high percentage school loans…you’re overjoyed as your shiny ponytail whips in the wind during an afternoon convertible drive zooming on desolate roads. . .you’re giddy you can finally fit into your 7-16 denim skinny jeans.

Are these fleeting experiences enough to feel happy?

Happiness…is it experienced intrinsically or extrinsically?

Psychologists have long toyed with the definition and interpretation of the word ‘happy.’  Finding your inner gaiety does not need to be laborious or far-reaching. You just need to change your brain.

Yes. Change it.

Throw out the concept of ‘positive thinking’ and embrace ‘realistic thinking.’  Express gratitude. Maybe you don’t have a glossy Red Monster of gas guzzling endorphins on four wheels parked in your driveway, but you do have a reliable mode of transportation to get you where you need to be. Maybe those over-priced denims are still hanging in the back of your closet, but you do have clothes that fit, are clean and are comfortable.

Yes, I realize I’m presenting you with a ridiculous scale of comparison, but the truth is that ‘happy’ can only be found from within you. Not somebody bringing you flowers, and not the layers of shoes stacked in your closet.

Wants. Desires.

I believe success lies in being happy. Happy with who you are and happy with what you have.

Finding your happy is a process; it’s a journey.

Happiness is perspective, reality and gratitude.

Don't wait to be happy. Don't try to find it in another person.

Happiness is a choice; it can only come from you. 

My journaling workbook will take you through a 22 day process to help you find your joy.

Always finding my happy,

Lesa

What do you want?

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to be happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. - Helen Keller

“What do you want?”

Emphasis on the want. 

Every new client hears this question during our first meeting. I usually toss my query after hearing the subtext behind actions, and behaviors, and rarely feelings.

Wants. Desires.

We all have them.

Spoiler Alert: 90% of my clients say that want to be happy.

What will make you happy?

Is it getting that promotion you’ve been yearning for? Is it the high-powered vehicle cloaked in your garage? Is it losing those last five pounds?

Yes. Yes, because you’re successful when you’ve reached your goals . .  you’re happy you have a new promotion so that you can take that Tahitian vacation or pay off your high balance/high percentage school loans…you’re overjoyed as your shiny ponytail whips in the wind during an afternoon convertible drive zooming on desolate roads. . .you’re giddy you can finally fit into your 7-16 denim skinny jeans.

Are these fleeting experiences enough to feel happy?

Happiness…is it experienced intrinsically or extrinsically?

Psychologists have long toyed with the definition and interpretation of the word ‘happy.’  Finding your inner gaiety does not need to be laborious or far-reaching. You just need to change your brain.

Yes. Change it.

Throw out the concept of ‘positive thinking’ and embrace ‘realistic thinking.’  Express gratitude. Maybe you don’t have a glossy Red Monster of gas guzzling endorphins on four wheels parked in your driveway, but you do have a reliable mode of transportation to get you where you need to be. Maybe those over-priced denims are still hanging in the back of your closet, but you do have clothes that fit, are clean and are comfortable.

Yes, I realize I’m presenting you with a ridiculous scale of comparison, but the truth is that ‘happy’ can only be found from within you. Not somebody bringing you flowers, and not the layers of shoes stacked in your closet.

Wants. Desires.

I believe success lies in being happy. Happy with who you are and happy with what you have.

Finding your happy is a process; it’s a journey.

Happiness is perspective, reality and gratitude.

Always finding my happy,

L

Love at First Sight

My story isn’t one of love at first sight. We didn’t meet for two weeks after our first contact. But our constant communication, mutual respect, and friendship allowed the attraction to grow. It wasn’t rainbows and fireworks. It was butterflies and poetry. It was something more enduring.

I’m always interested to hear a couples’ story when they first come in. How did you meet? Sometimes I’m told, “we hated each other,” or “our friends set us up.” Connecting the dots from that first sight to those darkest moments is navigation over tricky terrain. I’m invited in to a tale of vulnerable intimacy that weaves through moments of lightness and crosses bridges of pain and fear.

Ultimately, when a couple sits across from me it’s because they both want to reconnect. They yearn for that happily-ever-after-dream of endless love and effortless communication. I always say that my magic wand is out of batteries, but if two people have a drop-in-the-bucket of relationship hope and are ready to put in the effort to rebuild their foundation I will do my best to guide them to living their dream.

I’ve heard that “love shouldn’t be work.” Loving someone isn’t work – it’s the expression of your love that is work. It’s work to meet your partner’s needs and work to let your partner know when you have needs that are crying to be met. On some level I believe everyone is seeking true love. Here’s what I know: -

1. Love is an action, not just a feeling.

 Here we are back to the “work” of love. Many people confuse the feelings of love with the actions of loving your partner. It’s not always easy to validate your partner when feelings are diminished.

2. The feeling of love can be cultivated, even if it wasn’t strong at first sight.

“I love him but I don’t know if I’m in love with him” If you have a strong relationship foundation feelings can be grown.

3.  Attraction is more than skin deep.

It’s a lie to think there is a “type.” Most people realize that skin-deep attraction doesn’t have a long shelf life.  Focus on the qualities you want in a relationship and see if your partner wants the same – create a mutual attraction of connection and kindness that can sustain a lifetime of loving.

4. Decide to open your heart.

Coming back to the idea that love shouldn’t have to be work; this is a lie. The action of love is work. Overcoming fear is work; overcoming doubt is work; overcoming communication barriers is work. When you learn how to address barriers to love you can push aside internal judgment and open to love.

The love you want is possible. The relationship you desire is possible. Turn off the romantic comedies and close the books on happily-ever-after and turn to your partner and open your heart. Look at the person. Identify the qualities that fulfill you and make your heart sing. Create your own shared love song.

L