The girl who doesn't need anyone

What to Expect When You Fall for the Girl Who's Used to Never Needing Anyone

By Anna Bashedly

This one is going to be different. I can promise you that. But I can also promise that you won’t ever be uninspired or bored - this is the girl who will change you, she won’t ever take your shit, and you’ll be a better man because of it.

She comes across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but seldomly out. When you’re so used to not needing anyone, you know exactly who you are, and she’ll never fake anything because of it. This makes maintaining relationships a constant struggle for her. She’ll connect with many, and they’ll quickly feel comfortable with her, but it takes her a while to feel fully comfortable, so she can only take being around others incrementally.


This might frustrate you. There seem to be so many walls to break down. Just when you start to feel like you’re figuring her out - you find another piece to the puzzle that throws everything off. Be patient. She’s this tough because she had to be. Something happened that taught her to never need anyone. Someone she needed left before she was done needing them. But none of this will spill out easily. She’s extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing her vulnerable or in pain. Her emotions and pain are hers, and this is what she’s used to.

She’ll tell herself she doesn’t need you. She’ll make situations worse by trying to suppress her feelings about them. When you fall for the girl who’s used to not needing anyone, believe that she has more feelings and layers than she knows what to do with. Her instinct will be to try to compose herself. When she does open up to you, it’s everything. Being emotionally naked with someone is how she expresses her love.


She’ll know exactly who she is and what she wants. When you’re used to not needing anyone, you do what you want, when you want, and without asking permission or informing anyone. She loves this part of her identity, but she secretly wants you to confront her. She’s hoping that sometimes, you’ll put your foot down, and challenge her stubborn ways.

She’s strong, maybe even too strong for you at first. Don’t let this fool you. This is her outer shell. Her armor. She is so used to taking care of herself that it's going to be hard for her to let someone else in. It took a lot of work to get to where she is: Independent, taking no shit and being happy on her own. She's afraid to let you in because she's afraid of what will happen if you might leave.


I can promise you it won’t be easy, she’ll hang on to her walls for as long as she can. She will be enigmatic. She will always want things her way, and she’ll fight you when she doesn’t get it.

She’ll even try to push you away. This is how she protects herself.

But when you really get to know her, she’ll be the girl who will change your life. Don’t always give in to her, but be patient with her. She’s strong, but she’s also scared - scared of love, scared of needing someone, and definitely scared of you.

Because even if she says she doesn’t need you, at her core she is just a girl who has more love than she knows what to do with.

5 Ways to Stay Independent & Maintain a Strong Relationship

By Summer Rayne Oakes

As a strong, independent woman, I recognize the need for autonomy in my own life — in and out of a romantic relationship. And as a close friend of Kate’s — who is another self-reliant, freethinking individual — I couldn’t help but inquire about how she manages being a wife and mother. “I am still working through the transition,” she confided. “[I realized] we had to be partners and get past the love part. The love part becomes the foundation you rely on when things get tough.”

After the conversation, we came up with five ways to be autonomous while maintaining a strong relationship. Ironically, I feel that preserving some of your independence only gives a relationship more strength, spontaneity and longevity.

1. Take a time out. 

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed in a relationship, particularly if you're spending your time tending to the needs of other people and forgetting your own. When you identify this, do yourself a favor and take a time out. Go read a book, take a walk in the park, get a massage, or even take a hot shower to have some quiet time.

2. Don’t forget your friends.

How many times have you heard friends complain that they never see you anymore ever since you’ve been hitched? The strong bond you build with your friends is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in life. After all, to whom can you turn if the waters get a little turbulent with your significant other? Make the time for close friends — even if it’s one day a week. A girl’s or guy’s night out may just be the recipe for a successful relationship in the long run. 

3. Have your own hobbies.

As much as it's important to have activities that you do with one another, it's also vital to maintain your own sense of self through activities that speak to your individuality. Perhaps you and your counterpart love to run together, but he or she can’t stand yoga. That’s ok. Explore the activities that bring you together and don’t be afraid to continue to do the ones that give you a sense of self. 

4. Have some alone time.

Beyond taking a time out, it's important to give yourself an extended vacation from life once in a while. “I need a lot of time by myself to recharge,” Kate admits. This may mean taking a retreat away to another city or training for a triathlon or half-marathon, which gives you an extended amount of time to let your mind wander. 

5. Communicate openly. 

Communicating openly with your loved one is far and away the most important aspect to the health and longevity of any relationship. Even if you don't see eye-to-eye all the time, there's an undeniable power behind telling your counterpart when you feel as if you need time away. This will only add to a deeper understanding of your needs, and often will result in a compromise that you can both agree on.