NarcSpeak

Insightful, entertaining & enlightening article from Lisa E. Scott

NARCISSISM SPEAK - NARCSPEAK

Narcissists say the strangest things... and we are often left scratching our heads -- trying to make sense of the senseless.

Remember, Narcissists are not normal. They don't think like we do. They don't speak normally either. Most of what they say is meant to confuse us, throw us off and manipulate us. They use backward-talk, projection, martyrdom and almost ALWAYS provoke us to respond in a manner they can then use against us. They are brilliant manipulators.

NarcSpeak is a huge red flag. If it happens more than once - you need to get out of the relationship - before you end up too brainwashed or too abused to think straight or function.

They often use NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming - used in sales, marketing, politics and... seduction/ mind control.

Entire websites are dedicated to teaching people how to manipulate and control others:

A GREAT GRAPHIC THAT EXPLAINS HOW NLP WORKS:
http://www.nlpmind.com/images/ss.gif

Scary, huh? It is critical you are aware of this tactic so you can recognize when it is occurring.

Below are common Narcissistic comments that we have translated.

First comment is THE NARCISSIST SPEAKING
Second comment(in italics) is the TRANSLATION
~~~~~

I need to hear your voice.
I need to hear you tell me how perfect, wonderful and smart I am. I need you to stroke my ego.

I'm just trying to care of myself.
Myself being the operative word here because I am the ONLY one who matters. Why should I take care of my RELATIONSHIP? I am so wonderful I can find another target EASILY!

Its not all about you, you know...
Right. Because it's all about ME ME ME ME ME!!!!! (as he dances away singing 'I'm Too Sexy')

What is with the flannel pajamas? Why don't you want to look good for me?
I am only turned on by whores, strippers, prostitues and porn. I have a raging Madonna/Whore Complex. Because you are good and sweet to me, you have become sexless in my eyes.

You'll never get away.
And I will make sure of it with these covert threats. And don't even THINK about telling people what I really am!

Who takes care of you better than I do?
I want you to think you can't take care of yourself so you will become dependent on me. I'm going take over your life, turn you into my puppet and have some fun!

You took that out of context.
Damn, you're on to me. I need to make you think you're losing you mind and imagining things. I will deny everything I said. - a Narc classic

Think of our children and what this is doing to them
I'll use anything to guilt trip you.

I think I'm a really good person for you to know.
I'm going to suck you dry and take you for all you're worth! Yee haw!!

No one knows you better than I do.
You're going to be what I want you to be, so bend over and take it!

I will never change.
I don't see any reason to change. I'm perfect.

You need someone to tell you what to do.
I want you to feel so dependent and incompetent you have to ask MY permission to breathe. I control your reality and your life!

If you leave... you will always be back
This is an NLP 'embedded' command to make sure you never break free and feel guilty for even thinking about it!

Sure go out and date others, but you will always come back... they all do.
I'm so perfect every girl wants me... I just sit around and wait for my phone to ring. I am KING OF THE WORLD!

I have no interest in doing anything with you and haven't for a long time. I'm not attracted to you either. I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either. I know that's wrong, but that's just the way I feel.
I have no interest in anyone but myself. Everyone else is an OBJECT and 2-dimensional for me to control. I don't feel anything but I have some new targets going and need to keep you off balance because I'm not quite done with you yet. By the way I can't feel a thing... just toying with your mind.

Women are a dime a dozen.
I have deep rage and disrespect for all women. They are all warm plumbing to me. I bang 'em and leave 'em... they were all put on this earth to service me!

You need to be taught how to be affectionate.
You said "no" to all my outrageous, pervy, sick demands and for that you will pay!! Kneel and worship ME ME ME!

Easter is a time for forgiving
I hope you forgive me so I can continue hurting you over & over.

I don't love you yet, just give me time.
I can't love anyone... give me time to degrade & use you

You read too much into everything.
You're getting close to figuring me out, damn you!

You know that's not what I meant to say, so stop twisting my words
Twisting words is MY THING!!! I'm a soul-less predator.

You know the answer!
I don't know what to say to brainwash you more, so I'll let you twist and fill in the blanks for awhile.

I'm not going to get into this right now!
You're catching on to me... I am going to shame dump and guilt you so you will stop questioning me.

She could stop harassing/ stalking/ bothering me. She just chooses not to.
This is what I tell everyone to make her look like a whack-job and then feel sorry for me. Actually I am harassing her relentlessly, she's just trying to defend herself... and I'm going to tell as many people as will believe me!! I love being evil and hurting good people.

We have been more intimate online/ on the phone than we ever could be in person.
I actually like being intimate online more than in person cause its easier to fool you into believing I have feelings of intimacy just listening to my voice, its just easier for me to pretend everything over the phone rather than in person, that way you can't see me rolling my eyes, watching porn on my computer while calling you a dumb bitch under my breath. Besides, I prefer hookers.

I see something in you.
...I can exploit, use and abuse for my own needs... so bend over baby 'cause here it comes.

You were abusive to me.
(PROJECTION) I was abusive to you and I didn't like you calling me on it. I should be able to crap on anyone I want, anytime I want, with no consequences.

You were not appreciative of all I did for you.
And no matter what you did for me, it would never be enough.

You were no fun. Where did the sweet, fun girl I married go?
I am a destructive sociopath and I got bored... and I get off on hurting people and seeing their reactions - so I am going to turn the fact I use others like toilet paper back on you and make you feel bad because I got bored. I was screwing around on you for such a long time and DAMN you caught me. For catching me - YOU WILL PAY!

You won't take responsibility for the demise of our marriage.
Because I'm sure not going to. I need to blame someone because I am NOT NORMAL and completely delusional and never take responsibility for ANYTHING!! Don't you know the whole universe revolves around ME?

"Honey, text me when you get home and get all comfy, okay"
(NLP Seductive Suggestion) Don't even think about spending one second not thinking about ME ME ME!

You are the most beautiful woman in the land, you're the one for me!
I tell this to all my ladies... and all you bitches fall for it every time!! LOL!

I want to build and share a life together, I hope you want the same
And if you believe this - I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale. You dumb women always believe this!

You have the most incredible body, my hand fits perfectly on you!
And if you believe this you're going to give me loads of great sex until I'm ready to move on to the next one!

It's funny...all my friends love me, so weird that she has a hard time living with me.
She actually doesn't like being abused by ME??? Can you believe it?? And I am delusional enough to believe everyone else loves me! Especially ME! Where's the mirror...

What's so hard about throwing your arms around Me?
I deserve love, affection and adoration. On your knees before the King!

All I need in Life is some Good Loving, some Gratitude, and some Good Meals, and I'm Happy.
And it better be all about me or I will grind your soul into hamburger!

She resents my Life Style. Like you said, "I Live in Lightness", and she lives in Headiness, Drama, and Ungratefulness.
She ripped off my mask and figured out what a user, abuser and complete fake piece of pond scum I am. So I will now say negative things about her for calling me on my shit. Implying she's an unhappy drama queen is the just beginning of my smear campaign.

You mean too much to me. Please talk to me.
Damn, you found out all my lies. I need to re-brainwash you. Hopefully you'll buy this B.S. because I need to silence you!

We cannot be friends. I'm doing this for both of us
I could care less about you. I don't want you around to warn my new victims...

Do you realize you are so beautiful and could have any man you want?...
And if you believe this garbage you will swallow the nasty perverse stuff I lay on wholesale! LOL!!! go me!

I used to think you were the sweetest girl, 6 months later I still believed it, a year later, I continued to believe it, but 2 years later I finally realized you really are not that sweet girl I thought you were.
Damn - you used to be so gullible! Now you're finding out the truth about who I really am. How can I use this to make you feel bad?

Do you know how difficult it is to explain to someone when they say, why did you breakup, she was amazing and so sweet?
How much more guilt can I lay on you for figuring me out and ripping off my false mask? And I tell everyone you're psycho anyway!

Having an affair really does help married people in lousy marriages cope.
I can justify anything I want to do. Then I'll blame you later and say I never told you that! After I get some free sex from you.

Your nagging drove me away (after his 10 year relationship was exposed).
Damn you! You figured me out and exposed what a lying cheating animal I am... so now I will make you feel like crap for figuring me out.

I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before, what we have is so special.
Now spread your legs so I can lie some more to get what I want.

It takes two to tango.
TOTAL BULLSH*T
see: http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/04/blaming-victim-of-narcissism.htm...
(Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd "It takes two to Tango" crap.)

You always think you're right and never back down.
You're getting way too smart for me - how I can make you doubt yourself?? Oh yeah I know!! blame you for defending yourself!

I've never had this problem before with anyone.
I have this problem with everyone eventually but now I'll twist the knife and make you think you're the only one. This line always gets 'em.

Other people have loved me unconditionally
And boy were they stupid!!! It was fun because they were soooo damn gullible.

I told you i never wanted to be a part time dad.
How can I twist the knife and blame you for having children?

Why couldn't you have just agreed to disagree?
Why couldn't you have let me win and do whatever I wanted to you, your children and everyone else?

You are alone because you have chosen to be.
How can I make you feel really bad? And prevent you from moving on at the same time? heh heh heh

Your expectations are unreasonable...
I can't give you what you want because I am not human and I am evil. So let's make this your fault.

Making love to you just feels so perfect and so right every time.
Make sure you are available to me anytime I want to get laid for free.

I would never do anything to hurt you.
(BACKWARDS TALK) I love hurting you, it makes me feel so powerful and in control - so never defend yourself against me. Wait until I throw you away like a used condom! (Tarzan yell)

So what you up to? Who are you with?
Make time for me and be waiting for ME ME ME 24/7 to go over and throw you crumbs of 'affection' so I can screw with no commitment. YEE HAW!!

Did mommy do preschool with you today or did she just sleep all day?
I want you to think Mommy's a lazy pig. (Parental Alienation)

You're never going to find guy like me who will put up with you.
I want your self-esteem to be non-existent so even when I'm gone my words control your mind forever!

You and I understand each other.
(NLP) I want you to think you understand me and I have profiled and brainwashed you so thoroughly! Man I love controlling you.

I won't forget you.
I already forgot but I want to make sure you obsess about me forever! OOOOO!! Power!

Forgiving an Ex

How I learned to Forgive  my Abusive Ex Boyfriend

by Taraleigh Weathers

I found compassion and then forgiveness for my ex-boyfriend, Bob. He was physically and emotionally abusive. I in no way think his behavior is OK, and I don’t have any desire to see him again or let him know I've forgiven him. I know in my heart and soul I've forgiven him. Carrying around that bag full of anger is really heavy and I got tired.  

I started the forgiveness journey by taking a look at his life. His mom was the child of an affair between a very powerful man and a woman from the wrong side of the tracks. Bob’s mom spent her whole life trying to prove she was worthy. She was told from a very young age that darker-toned people were lower class than lighter-toned people. She told Bob he was to marry a younger Catholic woman who had blonde hair and blue eyes.

Then I come along into Bob’s life: dark-toned, older and Jewish. I blew her mind. She was certain I was there to destroy Bob’s life, and she treated me that way. Bob was torn between wanting to please his mother and his own happiness. This killed him, and he took out his anger on me.  

Knowing this was how I was able to find forgiveness. Bob was suffering. Happy people don’t treat people the way he treated me, and it's not the way his mom treated him. I felt compassion and forgave them both. I send them love and hope one day they can find happiness. 

Forgiving him and his mom was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I let go of the bag of anger I was carrying. I felt free and lighter.

After forgiving him, I was able to forgive myself for staying in an abusive situation for so long. I saw how I wanted to make him better, how I saw the best in him and ignored the worst, which is why I accepted his behavior for so long. At the time, I thrived on the excitement of the drama. But I wasn’t happy, if I had been, I wouldn’t have put up with a relationship like that. Eventually I was able to feel compassion for myself, and finally forgiveness came.

Forgiving myself was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I let go the bag of anger I was carrying. I felt free and lighter.

I’ve come up with seven tactics you can put into practice right away to free yourself from the burden of being unable to forgive.

1. Remember that gratitude is the best attitude.

Happiness lies within; it just gets buried sometimes. Instead of looking for happiness from outside circumstances or people, work on being grateful and bring the happiness out from within you. When you play the victim and focus on all the ways the world has done you wrong, you give them the power over your happiness. Start and end your day by writing down 3-5 things you’re grateful for.  

2. Pray.

We're all inherently good people. Happy people don’t hurt other people; only suffering people do. Pray for the happiness of those who have hurt you.

3. Act with love.

When people act with hate toward you and you respond with hatred, you're a part of the problem. You are a being of love and light. Choose to act that way. Think, “What would love do right now?” and do that. 

4. Find the lesson in everything.

If things are “happening to you” you might want to ask yourself, “What do I need to work on?” or, “What is this about?” Answer the question and get to working on those parts of you right away. There are lessons in everything. 

5. Don't turn to revenge.

Thoughts of getting revenge lower your positive vibrations. When you seek revenge against someone, you put your energy into them and give them the power.

6. Get some perspective.

If life is challenging, gain some perspective.  Whatever you're going through is just a part of your life, not your entire life. You are not your circumstances. This too will pass. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. 

7. Have a love affair with yourself.

Loving ourselves is the MOST important thing we can do. It's so important because we'll make loving decisions, and we have real love to give and to spread into the world. Imagine what it would feel like if you were as kind to yourself as you were to others.  It would be miraculous how much love you'll have to give.

Remember these ways to forgive someone, and use them to be free from the anger you’re holding.

Use them in case of a forgiveness or anger emergency.