"I drive myself crazy analyzing everything."
I have heard this often from clients and students. I'm guessing most of you have had the experience of analyzing and reanalyzing a painful event and realized that you felt just as bad after all your analysis.
You have likely been taught to think your way through life's challenges. How often in all your years of formal schooling were you asked what feelings and needs were up for you?
You have likely been trained to trust your skills in analysis and problem solving rather than connecting with what's alive in your heart.
NVC offers a radical new approach:
The most effective way to live with clarity and joy is to connect with what's alive in the moment.
This means observing your experience without analysis or judgment. Instead, connect with your experience by identifying the feelings and needs alive in you and others. Act to honor and meet all needs present.This doesn't require the hard work of analysis, but rather the courage and intention to bring your awareness to your heart again and again.Doing this practice a little each day you start to trust your heart more than your head.You eventually realize that your heart gives you continuous feedback about how to live fully alive!
You can begin this practice by noticing the kinds of questions you are asking yourself.In analysis you are asking questions like:
"How could this happen, where did I go wrong?"
"Why did s/he do that?"
"Who's fault is it?"
In connecting with your heart or the heart of others, you are asking questions like:
"What am I feeling?"
"What needs are alive for me?"
"What happened or what did I tell myself that stimulated these needs?"
"What do I want to do to meet these needs?"
"What needs might have been alive for him or her when s/he did that?"
No analysis necessary.
Analysis and problem solving are habits of mind.Habitual thought, is a powerful thing. And it takes a strong intention and plenty of reminders to remember to watch it. The good news is that you get to choose how you think and what you think.
You can turn your mind to what gives life – feelings, needs, actions based on needs.
To practice this, set an hourly alarm on your watch, cell phone or computer. Each time you hear it, stop and notice content and flavor of your thoughts. Then ask, "Are these thoughts making my heart sing with aliveness?"
You may not get an answer at first. That's okay, your heart needs time and attention to open and reveal itself, especially if its not use to being asked.
Keep asking and little by little your heart will open and you will connect with a whole other level of intelligence.
