The Tragic Cycle of "Overwhelm & Withdraw"

The Tragic Cycle of Overwhelm & Withdraw

adapted from LaShelle Charde

If you often feel overwhelmed and have a tendency to withdraw when stressed, then you may be wearing the "overwhelmed/withdrawn" face and inadvertently contribute to a reactive cycle.  

A gentle, engaging, and welcoming response from others is the best medicine for someone who has the reactive habit of feeling overwhelmed and withdrawing.  Unfortunately, the "overwhelmed/withdrawn" facial expression is one of the least likely ways to get this response.

The "O & E" face may reveal blank and frozen eyes, a lack of facial expression and a stiff body posture.   

When you wear the expression of overwhelmed/withdrawn, others often think one or more of the following:  

• You don't want connection and would rather be left alone.
• It will be a lot of work to connect with you.
• You will be boring.
• You think you are better than everyone else.

Acting on these thoughts others are more likely to forget you, ignore you, or avoid you.  This experience then reinforces the idea that you don't belong in the world, the world isn't a safe place to be you, and it is better to withdraw. Here begins the cyclic faulty thought reactive pattern.

You can intervene with this cycle in at least three ways:

First, practice noticing how you are holding your face and body. Invite yourself to soften, relax, and open your posture and energy.  

Second, anticipate events in which you are most likely to move into the overwhelm/withdraw reaction.  As you enter the event, practice engaging with others despite the impulse to withdraw.  Engagement can be as simple as making eye contact, smiling, walking towards others, saying "hello," and sitting without legs or arms crossed.

Third, out yourself whenever you can.  Let others know that you feel a bit overwhelmed and even though you might look like you aren't wanting to connect, you really welcome connection and are glad to be with the group.  This last bit of expressing what's really going on for you, is the fastest way to create a bridge between you and those around you.

Practice

If overwhelm and withdraw is a common pattern for you choose one of the three interventions listed above to practice with this week.  If this pattern describes someone you know, find one time this week to offer a gentle, engaging, and welcoming phrase or gesture.