One of those impulses....

Sex is one of those impulses that comes forth

from within that cannont be denied.

You can squelch it and contour it and regulate it,

but it's an impulse that continues to come forth,

sometimes more than others, but it continues to come forth.

Abraham, collective of entities channeled by

American psychic medium, Esther Hicks

Do you want to be right or happy?

By Mike Goulding

I love the phrase, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?Maybe you have an uncle who constantly engages you in heated discussions about politics when you obviously have a different opinion. Or maybe you and a friend have a very different idea about what happened with a past issue. You've tried to convince her many times before and she's not seeing it your way. 

It's time to give up winning the argument and start taking charge of the situation by taking charge of yourself. 

 

When you feel the urge to defend yourself against the ridiculous point your relative has just made, you can use the Peace Survival Kit and take an Aikido approach instead.  

Aikido is a Japanese martial art (also known as the art of peace) that empowers people to protect themselves without having to hurt other people. These techniques can be applied to verbal confrontations with others. 

 

So going back to your argumentative relative, you can use the three steps in an Aikido move in your verbal differences: 

• Evade
• Align 
• Enter

Evade: Let the other person’s behavior go by once or twice to see if he stops on his own.

 

Align: Let the other person know that you want to be on her side by validating points and showing her that you're at least hearing what she's saying. (This does not mean you have to agree with everything.)

 

Enter: Establish boundaries by stating the behavior you expect from the other person.

 

Let’s apply this to a situation you might encounter.

 

Your Relative: I see you're still on that silly vegetarian diet.

You: [Evade by saying something to give permission for the conversation to move onto something else.] I actually have more energy now. How does your son like his new job?

 

Your Relative: You see, there we go again.

You: [Align.] I hear you in that we have different views about what to eat. I would really like to have a peaceful visit with you and make it more comfortable for everyone else here.

 

Your Relative: All the vegetarians I know are crazy. Who brainwashed you? 

You: [Enter.] I’m going to have to stop this conversation if it stays on this course. I would appreciate you dropping this old argument that we've not been able to resolve and at least be polite to one another.

 

Did you see what happened there? Instead of trying to defend yourself against the comments you are now managing yourself in a way that is not attacking the other person. You walk away at peace with knowing that you did the best you could to keep the situation peaceful with your relative.  

It does not matter what the other person does after that, but often times he/she responds to your self-mastery that is positive for everyone.  When the other person does not respond in a positive way then there is a better chance to get the support of others in the room as a bonus benefit of your self-mastery.

 

The Aikido principle of yielding and overcoming is played out here. By not participating in the argument, you win with the potential of everyone else around you winning too. 

 

The Art of Lovemaking

By Elizabeth Rocchino

When you think of sex, you probably think of the act of release. What, then, is lovemaking? And is it more fulfilling than sex alone? 

 

Let me introduce you to the concept of lovemaking where two souls exchange energies. Human beings are made up of many layers of vibrating energy, each with its own specific vibration and purpose. The physical part of us is created from and sustained by, it’s energetic layers. 

It's an amazing vessel in which we as a soul can experience the physical plane of existence.

 

The same concept applies to making love. What we're really doing is exchanging energies, your energies and your partner’s. It’s like alchemy that, when engaged together in love through the connection of the vital source (the divine) can open and heal the mind, body, heart and soul. 

Our physical body is the part of ourselves that we are usually most familiar with because we can directly experience it as an apparently solid physical form. However, it's good to keep in mind that we're actually created from the energies of our body, which is greatly influenced by our emotions and thoughts. 

Therefore, sex is an energetic exchange and sharing not just a means to release or the satisfaction of the body but an exchange of energy. Your body may be satisfied, but if it remains on a purely physical level, you'll only experience a pure high and miss out on a higher connection to the source. Real fulfillment cannot be achieved through the body alone as it's transitory. This means it is temporary.

 

Lovemaking happens when you are fully aware that you are a body and soul, not just a physical body. It is then that lovemaking becomes the opportunity for the soul through the vehicle of your body to interchange, communicate and express love as a gift to one another. 

When you give yourself to your partner sexually with love as the foundation, you no longer see your partner as a separate self or simply as another body of flesh. It is then that the love shifts to a deeper state and your lovemaking moved to a spiritual level. The act becomes a sacred communion and the illusion of separation between you and your partner disseminates and you emerge as ONE.

 

Once you become aware that you and your partner are no longer bodies but souls, you can then allow each other’s body to serve as a temple becoming the portal into a deeper connection of the Infinite or divine. It is at this point that love energy is felt and becomes in the truest sense Lovemaking. 

You are both sharing the love in that present moment. So, be fully present and learn to surrender and set yourself free from expectations or what society has set as examples. This is in turn creates freedom.

 

The act of lovemaking entails that we surrender ourselves or become vulnerable, not just to your partner but also to the Divine that is living within us all. And remember, that lovemaking is positive and beautiful. 

The cells of our body respond to our emotional state. High frequency, positive emotions like love, happinessand joy create the optimum environment for generating strong, healthy cells, while lower frequency emotions like fear, anger, doubt etc tend to have the reverse effect. So enjoy, let go and be present.

 

True lovemaking happens when you realize, embrace and embody that you are LOVE.

How to Seduce a Woman

How to Seduce a Woman….

Rule #1: Listen to what she has to say;

Rule #2: Make her feel good about herself.

Women are ruled by emotion…the fastest way into our hearts (and should you desire – our pants) is through the things you say and don’t say.

Unlike men, we are not visual or driven by our physical urges. Pictures of your bare torso reflected in a bathroom mirror are unlikely to elicit the passionate response you seek. Similarly, the following text message will most likely be deleted before getting a reply: Ur so hot. Let’s do it 2nt.

To truly stir a woman, and have her aching for your touch, you need to practice the art of listening. I’m not saying that your ears won’t bleed or that you won’t stroke out before she’s finished a particularly passionate soliloquy…I’m saying that she needs to feel that she’s heard…that someone cares to hear what she has to say…trust me, she may have a lot to say…but think of your end game.

Make her smile. Make her feel proud of her accomplishments. Allow her the chance to open up and reveal what makes her happy. Before you can follow Rule #2, you have to master Rule #1. Once you’ve picked up on her self-identified deficits you have your grocery list of items to replenish. If she feels good about herself…confident in herself….and she has you to thank for that….well, then…you are the man!

Once you’ve appealed to her emotional side you will awaken that sought after inner passion…. And then you will have a woman who will work to seduce you.

Authority vs. Power Over / Power Under

Much pain and suffering comes from confusion about the difference between authority and power over.  In an ideal world, someone who is in authority has earned that authority through experience and learning.  For example, your boss has a certain authority at work.  She is likely able to hold a big picture of what is happening with the business and it's employees and what needs to happen.  She has earned this authority through work experience and education.  Because of this earned authority you and your co-workers give more weight to her ideas, decisions, and directives.  You trust what she is doing most of the time in regards to work decisions.

But when you give your boss authority in areas other than the immediate work environment or when you trust her every decision without checking in with your own sense of integrity, you are moving into a power over / power under consciousness.  For example, your boss doesn't get to weigh in on weather it is healthy for you to take an extra shift this week.  Only you have authority over your own self-care.
The reasons for slipping into a power over / power under consciousness are many and complex and volumes have been written about this topic (http://www.nvcworld.com/the-heart-of-social-change).  For our purposes here, the important thing is to learn to notice this for yourself and be able to return to a consciousness of power with.

Here are some telltale signs that you have put someone in power over you:

*You believe your needs are not as important or you don't deserve to have them met.
*You don't speak up when something is happening that is a violation of your ethics.
*You ask for or willingly receive advice from this person about areas of your life outside of the dimension in which he or she has authority.
*You bend your sense of personal boundaries to acomodate this person's wishes.
*You feel like you are in a trance around this person, like you can't access all of who you are or your sense of what's true.
*You feel smaller, speak in a smaller voice, or literally make yourself smaller through posture.
*After talking to this person you feel confused or fuzzy or disconnected from yourself.
*You lose your sense of humor and creativity around this person.

Here are some telltale signs that you have put yourself in power over another:

*You believe your needs are more important or you deserve to have them met before others.
*You make most of the decisions regardless of context.
*You announce what is going to happen rather negotiate to consider the needs of others.
*You give unsolicited advice about things not falling in your area of authority.
*You become angry and resentful if someone doesn't follow your advice or do things in a way you expect.
*You view the other as incapable, pitiful, and in need of your rescuing.
*You imagine you know what is right for another without asking them.
*You think a lot of about what this person or group of people should and shouldn't do.

In a "power with" consciousness, you maintain awareness and responsibility for your needs and values while being able to consider and hear the needs of others.  When you receive guidance and directives from someone in authority, you are able to discern your response in integrity with your needs/values and all the details relevant to that context.  If something seems off, you are able to ask questions of the person in authority.  You have clarity the boundaries of this person's authority.  You remember that the needs of all living beings are equally important regardless of roles and responsibilities.

Practice
Take a moment now to reflect.  Is there a relationship in which you slipping into power over / power under consciousness?  What are the signs?  Can you also find some examples in which you are maintaining a power with consciousness?  Your intimate relationship, parenting, work, and spiritual communities are all good places to watch for these dynamics.

Lashelle Lowe Charde

Why does a man treat you badly?

“l have a question, too and it may sound as stupid as it is simple. When a man treats you bad is it HIM or ME? Meaning – was he born with (or been given) a natural ability to treat others bad or am l just a very low standard girl? Maria”

Here’s my answer:

Maria – men treat women badly for lots of reasons.  They’re angry and don’t know how to deal with it…they’re afraid…but it DOESN’T MATTER.

If you ALLOW a man to treat you badly (assuming you’re not in a traumatic, helpless situation) – and this means ANY way that doesn’t feel GOOD and nourishing to you…then you must take responsibility for it.

There are lots of old sayings about this… most of them are about blame and shame and fault – and I’d like to stay away from all that.

We’re all here learning.  We’re all feeling our way through our lives, doing the best we can, experiencing being triggered all the time and feeling the pressure of our old habits and traumas and fears.  There’s just no point in assigning “blame.”

It’s all about responsibility, and owning your experiences, owning your feelings, and being watchful that you are in good-feeling places as much as you can.  Trying to “analyze” a man so you can “understand” him often leads to making excuses for him and does you no good…

There’s a song lyric:

“Oh, oh, oh, you treat me badly…and I love you madly…you really have a hold on me…”

When I think back on my love life – how this was me so much of my life – that I had no idea that a man I liked would truly want me – that the world was divided into men who wanted me that I didn’t want and men I wanted who didn’t want me (or only wanted me for now) – I see how this PAIN of love has been drilled into us.

We were all raised on Torch songs.  We were all raised on hopeless romance.

We were all raised to not RECOGNIZE bad treatment. To make excuses for it.  To find underlying, psychological reasons for it.  To blame OURSELVES for it – as though we provoked it (like so much you can read about what people think about Rhianna and Chris Brown – that she somehow is responsible for what happened to her by “provoking” him).

As a crisis counselor helping rape survivors – it was just heartbreaking to see (and experience) the self-blame and self-torture women who’d been abused and been at the receiving end of violence took on themselves (ourselves).

We think things are our FAULT.  And they’re not.  There is no “fault.”  Sometimes you’re at the wrong place at the wrong time – and sometimes the lesson (because you have to see EVERYTHING as a lesson in order to transform awful-feeling experiences into better-feeling one next time) – is to take better care of ourselves.

The most major reason why we try to assign “fault” and “blame” is our need for CONTROL and MASTERY.  When we’re in a situation that feels bad but we feel paralyzed and trapped and unable to move – the only way we can “compute” this in our brains is to say “It’s all my fault.”  At least, then, we have some kind of answer.

But it’s NOT the answer.

This is subtle, I know – talking about owning and responsibility as DIFFERENT from fault and blame – but i want you to really GET the difference here, because it’s actually HUGE.

So – if a man is treating you badly – In a “minor’ way by not being present when he’s with you, or not calling, or not following up, or forgetting things, or paying too much attention to other women in the room, so many other ways men distance themselves, or test us, or simply display their decision to not care about us properly…or in a “major” way with insults, neglect, verbal abuse, physical abuse and cheating…then instead of looking for “fault” or “blame” – just ask yourself:

“Why am I here?”

Just make this your simple process:

1. Experience – actually, truly, totally experience how YOU feel about YOURSELF when you’re with a man.

2.  If it doesn’t feel good – notice it.  Write about it.  Speak it out loud to yourself – until you can put it together in words to speak it directly to him: “This doesn’t feel good.”

3. Practice speaking this truth all the time – whenever things don’t feel good.  This is NOT about whether or not he takes out the garbage or calls you often enough to suit you. This is not about his behavior.  Not about what he does or doesn’t do.  This is NOT about making a man WRONG.  This is not about making YOURSELF “wrong.”

This is simply about learning to quickly and honestly answer for yourself the question – “Why am I here?”

When you can answer that for yourself no matter what’s going on – then you’ll get this whole, huge area we call “Boundaries.”

Sometimes we are “here” because it’s what we’re used to.  Sometimes it’s what we “think” is right.  sometimes it’s what we were taught.  Sometimes we feel “compelled” to be here because of a strong chemical pull to a man, or because we’re afraid to be alone.

It doesn’t matter what the answer is as much as how deeply we’re wiling to be honest with ourselves and tell the TRUTH.

I know many women, and have worked with many clients who KNOW they are trapping themselves in a bad-feeling situation, and yet simply will not move away from that situation.  But, even though they’re not moving away from the bad-feeling situation and putting themselves into places where they have a better chance of experiencing good feelings – they are taking the baby-steps of answering the question – “Why am I here?” and really, really – as painful as it is – hearing the answer.

In the end – it’s our choice, what we DO with the information we HAVE.  And the only information we have is about OURSELVES.

So – if you are “here” – and it doesn’t feel good – that’s where we start.

written by Rori Raye

...just some painful memories

It’s never easy when a significant relationship ends – whether you wanted it or not. The breakup can turn your world upside down and trigger a number of painful feelings and memories. Loneliness, fits of despair and uncontrollable sobbing become an unwelcome blanket that surrounds your grief. You may try to hide these feelings from your friends…or even bury them deep inside yourself. The only problem is these uninvited emotions will pool; they’ll collect deep inside of you until you’ve become physically ill or reached your breaking point.

The only bandage I know of is the passing of time. I wish there was an enchanted light-switch that could flip off your pain. Just realize that time does help in the healing process and there are some things you can do to help get through this difficult time. Hopefully, once you’re on the other side, you’ll feel stronger, happier and healthier.

Coping and Healing

Why do breakups hurt so much? Because you’re heartbroken. Obviously the relationship was no longer good for one or both of you. You’re aching because you are grieving the end of, not just the relationship, but also the dreams, companionship, excitement and hope for the future. When relationships fail, there is the experience of profound grief, stress and frustration. Everything is upturned…your routine, your circle of friends, and maybe even your identity.

·      *  Remind yourself to be patient; you can and will move on.

·      *  It’s normal to feel angry, sad, confused and anxious. These feelings will lessen with time.

·    *  Don’t go through this alone. Share your feelings and avoid isolating yourself. Don’t be afraid to get help if you need it.

·     * Exercise. I’m a huge advocate of endorphin release.

Above all, honor yourself. Recognize that you are going through a difficult process and that you will be okay. Visualize how you want to feel three months from now and take baby steps to get there.