The Attraction of Blame

On January 28, 2011, in LaShelle Charde, by lucky1 

 

The attraction of blame is that you imagine it will provide some sort of relief in a difficult situation.
In anything you do, you  long to be harmony with life – meet your needs and those of others.  You know blame will not really bring relief or create harmony.  Yet habit and conditioning have you in blame before you know it.
A lot of habit comes from the broader culture we grow up in. Part of a lot of mainstream culture-think is that pain and pleasure depend on your ability to manipulate external events, including people around you. And so, mainstream culture encourages an external focus – TV, radio, computers, mile long to do lists, 60 hour work weeks, elaborate houses with manicured lawns, movies, etc.
Small wonder that when you are feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated, etc., you look outside for the cause.
You find yourself saying, “Aha, Jonathan, you are the cause. You are to blame!”
Now that you have named a cause it’s only a matter of manipulating Jonathan to bring you ultimate happiness.
Following the number one delusion about how to get people to change you tell Jonathan how wrong he was to do what he did and how would he feel if someone did that to him?!
Of course, you don’t think all this through. Habit energy takes care of it for you in a millisecond.
I haven’t always been able to catch the judgment talk in my own head that precedes blame, but I do notice the feeling of it. I notice my body contract and go into fight mode as energy builds to move aggressively outward.
When I notice this I do an immediate downshift. I take a deep breath and I internally name how hurt and frustrated I feel. (I give myself some empathy). Then I ask myself, “What just happened? What did I make it mean?” Once I catch a jackal voice (judgments and assumptions) I can start to identify what needs are up for me.
For example, “When I realize that my partner didn’t make the reservations for our camping trip as he promised to do, my jackals might start saying he is an untrustworthy person, he will never be there for me, and I can’t be in a relationship with him.”
Wow, those jackal thoughts along with what happened, just stimulated some important needs: trust, support, and intimacy.
When I bring my awareness back to what happened rather than the meaning I made of it, I can identify the feelings and needs present in the situation.  I can make a request to meet those needs rather than making him wrong.
Mindfulness practice and meditation can help you gain the awareness to recognize habits when they arise. At the same time you might need some intermediate strategies for those moments when blame slips through the gates of your awareness.
Working with couples, I have seen them come up with a number of creative ways for breaking patterns. One of my favorites is a couple who agreed to sing “The Blame Song” each time it came up. They sang it to the tune of the 80′s song, “Fame”. It goes like this:
“Blame!
I want to be right forever
never taking responsibility
Blame!”
This week notice when you are tempted by blame.  What does it feel like in your body when it arises? What feelings are alive? What assumptions and judgments did you generate? What needs are up?
If you have a blame game going with someone close to you, come up with a creative way to interrupt the pattern and bring awareness to it.
Here is the direct link to this gem where you can read and comment:
http://www.wiseheartpdx.org/blog/?p=620

Neurofeedback benefits kids with ADD

Children who have ADHD often have difficulty regulating brain activity. A new study, conducted by German and Swiss researchers, demonstrates that neurofeedback training may help. Neurofeedback is a method of training the brain, or shaping brain wave activity which for some children results in improved behavior and reduction of hyperactivity and impulsivity. The technique doesn't work for everyone and is not a replacement for drug treatment, but may be used as a companion, as MSNBC reports.

Children in the study worked on a game like computer program that had them activate or deactivate portions of the brain and they were rewarded with points. After two weeks of the computer program they used red and blue cards to practice the brain activation and deactivation. The other group of children took part in group therapy sessions. Results indicated that parents and teachers, although to a lesser extent, reported great improvement in the children who took part in neurofeedback. It was also noted that kids did better when parents encouraged, rewarded, and reminded them to practice with the red and blue cards. In all eight children learned to successfully regulate brain activity while nine did not.


Charles P Fox

EEG Biofeedback Forms New Connections

“Treating Barbara’s family made it clear to me that mind, brain, and relationships are not separate elements of life—

they are irreducible aspects of one interconnected triangle of well

 Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation (Bantum, 2010)

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Author of

   What about someone whose brain is so impaired it becomes an obstacle to beginning a mindfulness practice? Some trauma‐related or organic neurologic dysfunction will significantly reduce the likelihood that one will develop an effective meditation/mindfulness practice. The woman referred to in the above quote, Barbara, suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result of a car crash. Her brain injury subsequently affected each individual in her family unit and their well‐being.

Dr. Dan Siegel eloquently writes about how our mind, brain and relationships co

 ‐injury, when spontaneous remediation is no longer expected. The symptoms which accompany a head injury which neurofeedback may help are: loss of energy, headaches, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, depression, rage, seizures, insomnia and even personality changes. Sometimes people are not even aware‐or‐flight reaction. It improves the ability of a person to quiet their mind, therefore, better prepare them for a daily practice of what Dr. Dan Siegal calls “Mindsight”. In other words, neurofeedback increases the brain’s capacity and prepares a person for a daily mindfulness practice, which in turn facilitates change to manifest in their life.

EEG biofeedback, also known as neurofeedback, activates the brain’s natural ability to form new connections in response to experience. This proven form of brain training has restored brain function in many individuals who have suffered from a traumatic brain injury. The training appears to be effective even years post.

 Or, perhaps they have no memory of the event as is the case of a forceps birth or did not make the connection that their issues developed after general anesthesia. In these instances neurofeedback may be helpful in addressing what we call the hardware or anatomical functioning of the brain to increase the readiness of an individual to add a mindfulness practice to their daily life.

Populations of people who have experienced trauma or have severe anxiety, addiction, fears and phobias have what we consider a software issue – their brain too easily goes into an acute survival response.

Neurofeedback appears to work by training the cortex to remain engaged and not be bypassed. In the process of awakening the mind, people need to let go of control. Most people have beliefs about what letting go of control would look and feel like, but BrainPaint gives a person an experience of it through realtime feedback. For example, when a person is increasing his or her present awareness it will trigger sound and visual cues and when there is an increase in gamma bursts, a brainwave frequency associated with an increase in new neural connections which happens when the brain is learning a new behavior, there is a corresponding increase in the brightness of the fractals on the screen. Think of neurofeedback as learning mindfulness with training wheels.

Who or What are you taking for Granted?

"Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows." -- Michael Landon

by Dennis Merritt Jones

We have all heard the saying "Life is too short not to enjoy it." Recently, I attended a memorial service for a young man who died suddenly and unexpectedly and it really brought this saying to mind. A number of people stood and shared a story or memory of their dear departed friend and I was moved by the commonality of the sentiment, "If I had only known... I wish I'd had the chance to tell him how much I loved him, or, what a difference he made in my life." Others sadly bemoaned the fact that their friend didn't live long enough to realize his lifelong goal of surfing the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.
I have been thinking a lot about this, and considering some of the things I have been putting off doing and how many people I have neglected connecting with because I have been so "busy" doing life. Not too long ago I celebrated my 60th year on the planet. Those 60 years equate to approximately 21,900 days, or 525,960 hours, or in more finite terms, 31,556,926 minutes. Today I am living in a renewed awareness of how precious each one of those days, hours and minutes were. I have to admit it pains me a bit when I consider how many of those irreplaceable moments were spent in less than wise ways. However, it has enabled me to make a conscious choice regarding how my hours and minutes will be spent  today, which is all any of us have.
It seems endemic in our culture that we tend to put off taking care of what's truly important, which includes living our life to the absolute fullest, enjoying every microsecond of today with those people who matter the most. We assume tomorrow will be the right time, and yet we know tomorrow never comes, because when it does, it will be now. Now is not just the right time -- it's the only time. Unlike the latest cell phone service providing "rollover minutes," once the minutes of our life (and the opportunities they offer) pass us by, they are gone forever, never to be lived again.
When my last day on earth comes, I don't want to have to look back and say, if I had only known, I would have spent fewer hours at the office, taken that trip to Thailand, learned to sky dive, written that next book, learned to speak French, adopted that dog, or run that marathon. Likewise, when it comes to my relationships -- from my peers, friends, family and most importantly, my beloved children and wife, "If I had only known, I would have..." is a phrase I don't ever want to have to say. This means that I am willing to stand far more vigilant in my mindfulness of what a gift they are and not put off telling them so. This also includes you my respected readers -- you too are an important part of my life: Irrespective of who you are and where you are, if you are reading this message you and I are in a relationship that spans both time and space. So, I say thank you for being in my life. You matter.
The next 24 hours contains 1,440 minutes, which totals 86,400 seconds. Remembering that you shall never have them again, how shall you spend each one of those precious moments? May you live this and every day so mindfully connected to life and to who and what truly matters to you that you will never have to say, "If I had only known..."

Military Sexual Trauma Related to PTSD

 By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S


Many military veterans suffer from PTSD related to experiences of sexual trauma. An even greater concern is the alarming amount of stigma surrounding the discussion and treatment of PTSD and addiction within the military community.

In recent decades, these addictions and coping mechanisms have become more sexualized, manifesting in many cases as porn addiction. By addressing this dynamic, we can help veterans who are dealing with addiction by demystifying the stigma surrounding their methods of coping, i.e. addiction.
While it has been reported that a number of men and women have sued the Department of Defense for “allowing a military culture that fails to prevent rape,” a Pentagon spokesman said that Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was working to ensure that the military was “doing all it can to prevent and respond to it,” reported The New York Times. But the problems persist and more and more vets and their loved ones are seeking solutions.
It is important to note that trauma and addiction affect men and women; and it is equally difficult for both to speak out against it. One female vet recounted this story: “You fear for life a lot of times. I constantly reevaluated everything as to whether I should suck it up or take the risk of saying something. I sucked it up for a while; I just thought, ‘I’ll do whatever it takes.’” The result of bottling up trauma leads many to deal with their psychological pain with addictive behaviors.

More Clinical Help Is Needed
Vets that speak out about the widespread issue have remarked that “more clinical help is needed,” especially for female vets whose “programs [too often] attempt to mirror men’s programs” that are typically “geared toward drug and alcohol abuse and addiction.”
The statistics on military sexual trauma (MST) among women are staggering, with 42% reportedly experiencing it. Additionally, studies have found that MST was more likely to lead to PTSD than other military or civilian traumatic events, which would include witnessing engagement related deaths.

Porn Addiction in Veterans

Given the proactive nature of military life, some veterans have started blogs sharing stories about their struggles with porn addiction, shedding light on the broader military addiction epidemic. Sites like Feed The Right Wolf have seen upwards of 200,000 visitors. Feed’s owner contended while he’s “not an expert…it is important to share the message about the dangers of porn addiction,” mainly because “there aren’t many other sites talking about [it].”
Experts have also weighed in on the gravity of this problem. In the article, Addicted to Online Porn: X-rated Internet Explosion Wreaks Havoc with Troops’ Careers & Lives, author Jon R. Anderson stated that “the seamy side of Porn 2.0 is picking off military marriages and killing promising careers like a shadow army of well-placed snipers.”
Reflecting on these issues, Capt. Diana Colon, a therapist who heads an Army mental health clinic in Schweinfurt, Germany, said recent engagements like Afghanistan and Iraq “have created a new generation of dysfunctional pornography abusers.” The tragic reality of porn abuse has been that many retired veterans and their spouses divorce as a result of the addiction. According to a 2002 survey of 1,600 top divorce lawyers, more than half of all divorces involved a spouse hooked on porn sites.

*BrainPaint an EEG Biofeedback system for PTSD has proven to be an easy solution for treatment.

Lifelong Neuroplasticity & Neurogenesis

Top Ten Quotes on Life­long Neu­ro­plas­tic­ity and Neu­ro­ge­n­e­sis,

1. "Neu­ro­plas­tic­ity refers to the life­long capac­ity of the brain to change and rewire itself in response to the stim­u­la­tion of learn­ing and expe­ri­ence. Neuroge­n­e­sis is the abil­ity to cre­ate new neu­rons and con­nec­tions between neurons through­out a life­time." 
2. "...best defenses against chronic stress are phys­i­cal exer­cise, relax­ation, self-empowerment, and cul­ti­vat­ing social networks."
3. "Learn­ing is thought to be "neuro-protective." Through neu­ro­plas­tic­ity, learning increases con­nec­tions between neu­rons, increases cel­lu­lar metab­o­lism, and increases the pro­duc­tion of nerve growth fac­tor, a sub­stance produced by the body to help main­tain and repair neurons."
4. "There is not one sin­gle "atten­tion", but three sep­a­rate func­tions of atten­tion: alert­ing, ori­ent­ing, and exec­u­tive attention."
5. "The fear of fail­ing, the fear of look­ing not smart, is a key obsta­cle to learn­ing that I see too often, espe­cially with peo­ple who want to pro­tect per­ceived rep­u­ta­tions to such an extent that they do not let them­selves try new learn­ing cycles."
6. "Emo­tion is the sys­tem that tells us how impor­tant some­thing is. Atten­tion focuses us on the impor­tant and away from the unim­por­tant things. Cog­ni­tion tells us what to do about it. Cog­ni­tive skills are what­ever it takes to do those things."
7. "As lit­tle as three hours a week of brisk walk­ing has been shown to halt, and even reverse, the brain atro­phy (shrink­age) that starts in a person's for­ties, espe­cially in the regions respon­si­ble for mem­ory and higher cog­ni­tion. Exer­cise increases the brain's vol­ume of gray mat­ter (actual neu­rons) and white mat­ter (con­nec­tions between neurons)."
8. "Evi­dence of neu­ro­plas­tic­ity has been observed mostly in the brains of indi­vid­u­als who became experts in a par­tic­u­lar skill. Why? Because changes asso­ci­ated with learn­ing occur mas­sively when we become expert in a spe­cific domain. The areas of the brain that sup­port the skills at which one has become an expert change over time."
9. "Cur­rent rec­om­men­da­tions sug­gest that a brain-healthy life style should include at least bal­anced nutri­tion, stress man­age­ment, phys­i­cal exer­cise, and brain exercise."
10. "it is also impor­tant to main­tain emo­tional con­nec­tions. Not only with our­selves, to have self-confidence and self-esteem, but also with our fam­ily our friends." Sleep and over­all health con­di­tions are other fac­tors that also mat­ter. Here we focus on the four main pil­lars of brain health: Bal­anced nutri­tion Stress man­age­ment, Phys­i­cal exer­cise, Men­tal stimulation."

ADHD Alternative to Medication is Rated Efficacious and Specific, the Highest Clinical Research Level

There is an evidence‐based alternative to methylphenidate for children and adults who suffer from ADHD. It is called EEG biofeedback, or neurofeedback, and it has been rated as having a "Level 5 research outcome." Level 5, the highest possible clinical research level, indicates that EEG biofeedback is "Efficacious and Specific" when used to help individuals who have attention deficit disorder (ADD) or its cousin attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). In other words, the outcomes when using neurofeedback for ADD and ADHD have been shown to be statistically significant as compared to prescription drugs or groups using a placebo treatment. By contrast, a "Level 1 research outcome" is supported only by personal stories or case studies in non

‐peer reviewed publications.

In order for EEG biofeedback to be rated as "Efficacious and Specific" for ADHD, it required multiplestudies with the same statistically significant outcomes. A meta-anaylysis

was performed on collected research on neurofeedback treatment for ADHD and was published in the Journal of Clinical EEG and Neuroscience in 2009.

"In line with the guidelines for rating clinical efficacy, we conclude that neurofeedback treatment for

ADHD can be considered 'Efficacious and Specific' (level 5) with a high effect size for inattention and

impulsivity and a medium effect size for hyperactivity."

One of the smaller, yet very impressive studies (n=20) used functional magnetic resonance imaging or fMRI to measure the effect of EEG biofeedback on the brains of children with ADHD. None of the children chosen were taking or had taken psychostimulant drugs such Ritalin, Straterra or Adderall. Nor had any of the children undergone cognitive training before the study. Children enrolled in the study were randomly assigned to the experimental group who received neurofeedback, and the other children were assigned to the Control group and didn't receive EEG biofeedback training. Subjects from both groups were scanned using an fMRI one week before beginning neurofeedback and one week after the end of neurofeedback training. The fMRI was performed while they were performing an attentional task. In addition, performance tests (Digit Span, the IVA, and the CPRS

‐R) were administered one week before the beginning of neurofeedback and one week after

neurofeedback. The results of the study suggested that in ADHD children, EEG biofeedback has the capacity to normalize the functioning of the anterior cingulate cortex or ACC, the key area in the brain associated with selective attention. In other words, the fMRI showed structural changes in the brain as it improved its selfregulation.

Replicated studies suggest that the groups who have successfully improved their ADHD symptoms will continue to enjoy those benefits long after the training is over. Other issues that have shown statistically significant improvement in studies include: addiction, depression, pain, affective disorders, learning disabilities, Asperger's, migraines, epilepsy, memory, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI).

www.brainpaint.com

Ostracism Causes Lingering Pain in the Brain

June 14, 2011 – 10:41 am
By BJohnson

It’s often been noted that rejection is among the most painful of human emotions. Anyone who has felt the sting of rejection, ostracism or shunning knows how deeply these experiences sting.
According to a Purdue University expert, ostracism can cause pain that often is deeper and lasts longer than a physical injury.

“Being excluded or ostracized is an invisible form of bullying that doesn’t leave bruises, and therefore we often underestimate its impact,” said Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences.

“Being excluded by high school friends, office colleagues, or even spouses or family members can be excruciating.”

“When a person is ostracized, the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury,” Williams said.

The process of ostracism includes three stages:
1. The initial acts of being ignored or excluded
2. Coping
3. Resignation

Fundamental and foundational to human needs are the feelings of belonging. Exclusion or ostracism is so painful because it threatens this need, and the core of our self esteem. “Again and again research has found that strong, harmful reactions are possible even when ostracized by a stranger or for a short amount of time,” said Williams.

More than 5,000 people have participated in studies using a computer game designed by Williams to show how just two or three minutes of ostracism can produce lingering negative feelings.
Even when being ignored briefly by strangers, with whom the individual will never have any face-to-face interaction, the negative effect is powerful and consistent. This was true even with a great variety of personalities.

People also vary in how they cope during the second stage of ostracism. Coping can mean the person tries to harder be included. For example they may try engage in behaviors that might foster acceptance: mimicking, complying, obeying orders, cooperating or expressing attraction.
If this tactic doesn’t work, and hope for inclusion is lost, people stop worrying about being liked, and decide they just want to be noticed. In this stage, they may resort to provocative behavior and even aggression.

However, if a person has been ostracized for a long time, people can’t continue to cope with the pain and often eventually give up. This is the third stage, called resignation.

The third stage is called resignation. In some people who have been ostracized, they become less helpful and more aggressive to others in general. They also may feel an increase in anger and sadness. “Long-term ostracism can result in alienation, depression, helplessness and feelings of unworthiness.”
Sometimes “extreme groups” (gangs and the like) can provide members with a sense of belonging, self-worth and control, but they can also fuel narrowness, radicalism and intolerance, and perhaps a propensity toward hostility and violence toward others.
When a person feels ostracized they feel out of control, and aggressive behavior is one way to restore that control.

If you’ve experienced ostracism, seek a safe, supportive therapist, counselor or wise friend who can help you traverse the pain. Seek out healthy individuals who are accepting, healthy and supportive. We also need to be aware (and teach our kids) that ostracism hurts people as deeply, if not more so, than a physical wound. No doubt such experiences hurt. But remember, there is always help.

Journal Reference:

K. D. Williams, S. A. Nida. Ostracism: Consequences and Coping. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2011; 20 (2): 71 DOI: 10.1177/0963721411402480
Purdue University (2011, June 6). Pain of ostracism can be deep, long-lasting. ScienceDaily. Retrieved June 9, 2011, from http://www.sciencedaily.com¬ /releases/2011/05/110510151216.htm

A Kid Benefits from Neurofeeback

Migraines   PTSD  Addiction  TBI

I could include far more links than I've listed above...but the benefits of EEG Biofeedback are plenty! 

Recently I've had the privilege to work with a seven year old who used BrainPaint to improve his attentional/focus issues.  This delightful young man was having a number of behavioral issues at school - his teachers had implemented a behavioral chart which was not effective - and his parents only saw half of the problems at home that he was reported to have at school.
After just 10 sessions there was a noticeable improvement in his classroom behavior and now after 15 sessions he is able to exercise impulse control and make good behavioral choices. 

His parents are against medication for treating behavioral issues...and with an ADD/ADHD diagnosis or not they were not going to place him on medication as a form of treatment. It has been so fulfilling to see this little guy improve and know that he has already benefited from treatment and after a few more sessions won't require any more! 

If you've been looking for an alternate approach to tackling anxiety, depression, addiction, or just want to sharpen your skills then give BrainPaint a try. It's truly life changing.
 

Rediscovering Intimacy

Based on a post by Lashelle Charde  September 2009

New relationships always seem so exciting.  While floating on love chemicals you begin developing intimacy without the interruption of any major stressors. Think about the beginning of a romantic relationship….plenty of compliments, engaging conversations, and nurturing.

Think of expressing to your partner your appreciation of him….what delights you about him ….and make it consistent.  It’s like eating vegetables. You eat vegetable every day because they keep your body health…your relationship needs that same kind of consistent nurturing.

Celebrating and seeing your partner doesn’t mean offering praise or overused phrases like “good job”, “you did great”, “that’s wonderful honey”.  It means sharing from your heart and being specific. 

Let’s imagine a scenario.  Betty  and Bill have been together for 17 years.  Bill comes home one evening and sees Betty in the garden.  She has loved gardening since he met her years ago.  The scene is a familiar one.  Bill pauses to watch her and this time he really takes her in.  He notices the way she tucks her hair behind her ear.  He sees the slight smile and look of satisfaction as she drops ripe tomatoes in her basket.  He watches the way she moves being gentle and careful in her step.  Betty looks up and sees him looking on.  “What?” she says.  Bill walks over to her and says, “I love seeing you in the garden.  The gentleness and love you express and how much you enjoy yourself.  I am so happy you have this.”

Here Bill expresses his delight in something meaningful and alive in his partner.  Celebrating your partner in this subtle heartfelt way every day can help wake up the intimacy between two hearts that have drifted apart.

This week celebrate your partner at least once each day.  Put a bead in your pocket at the start of every morning as a reminder of your intention.

11-11-11

There is so much hype surrounding today’s date!

Today many new-age-spiritual-cosmic individuals are touting this “powerful & magical numerical sequence” which is said to serve as a visual reminder for you to activate and align your spiritual vibration with higher consciousness.

I don’t believe that today’s date, in itself, is specifically correlated to anything other than a date on a calendar, but I do support the belief that we can manifest our true desires and are able to raise our spiritual vibrations.

 If seeing  the number 11 serves as a helpful reminder to consciously heighten  awareness of your Divine creator and encourage you to exercise your spiritual muscles ….then ….say it, repeat it, draw it, shout it…..may the frequencies be with you.

Getting High with Digital Drugs

A friend recently shared an article addressing the relationship between sound and mood. I know that I amp the tunes at the gym, or slip in a Carlos Takai CD when I want to relax. The question is can sound get you high? (As in smoking marijuana)

Did that raise your eyebrows? Apparently there are quite a number of websites claiming that a specific sound can make someone actually feel as if he has taken drugs.  These digital drugs also referred to as “i-dosing” or “sonic drugs” work with binaural beats. Binaural beats occur when you listen to the playing of two different sounds with similar frequencies …one in each ear. It doesn’t really sound like music…but of like static noise.

It doesn’t seem like listening to these coherent sounds could prove harmful – especially if one gets the effects of taking prescription drugs or hallucinogens. However, messing around with your brainwaves is not recommended! Dr. Daniel Amen, of the Amen Clinic, stresses that every brain will respond differently to this kind of stimulus and the reaction could be dangerous. In fact, adolescents and teens are at a higher risk because their brains are not fully developed and any stimulus purposely used to affect the brain could disrupt brain development.

I am a huge proponent of EEG Biofeedback – training the brain to produce a desired outcome. There are legitimate and clinically based uses of sound therapy to treat anxiety, depression and to improve peak performance. Here comes the “but”…. BUT trying to mimic the “neurochemical effects of a narcotic” is definitely something that needs to be approached cautiously.

Out of control anxiety

 November 6, 2011

My anxiety got out of control today, any advice?

Today, I seriously got really worried about my background check at work or that my boss has died cause he didn’t send out schedule yet. I check my email every hour today and nothing came. He said that he was going to send it out today like he said and still nothing. So I’m assuming that something went wrong with my background check or that he died unexpectedly and I don’t have a job anymore–now I’m worried that my boss is dead. And i now about to look at the obituaries in the newspapers to see if his name shows up. Of course, i bought this up to my mom and my friend and they got frustrated and said that I was full of ****. I almost left my best friend today cause i thought it wouldn’t b fair for him to deal with a stupid and crazy person like me–he says sincerely he accepts me for who I am and that his life would suck without me, so that made me feel better. Am I just being way too paranoid and worried about things lately? I sometimes just lose touch with what’s real and what’s irrational? Any advice appreciated?  Btw, I am on medication and counseling didn’t do much 4 me

Dear Worried & Anxious,

As I started reading through your entry I had to wonder if you were on anti-anxiety medication…which when I got to the end I see you are.  I’m guessing it’s not working for you (stating the obvious) and perhaps you need to go back to your physician to get your dosage tweaked.

Not that I’m a huge support of medication treatment, but I do recognize that it can be helpful while people are working through their issues.

I’m sure you’ve heard countless time about relaxation techniques (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) and I’m guessing that these haven’t been very helpful either.

When I’m working with a client I’m always looking for the underlying issue that creates emotional symptoms – which in your case is anxiety. I’d be interested in tracking your anxiety experiences and seeing where it all began. Looking at the things that bothered you today I can’t help but see a theme of situations that are out of your control: background check interpretation and your schedule. As I’ve mentioned before: Control and Fear are two sides of the same coin. Lack of control=fear. Fear=not being in control.

What does it mean to you to not be in control of a situation? What is the worst possible thing that could happen?

If you started exploring your anxiety by answering these questions I have a feeling that you would be able to get a handle on the anxiety.