Why your relationships lead to growth

We read an endless supply of books that teach us how to be the most authentic version of ourselves. We go deep within to understand our needs, desires and longings. We become open to exploring things like meditation and yoga, if we think there's the potential for finding peace. 

But if you really want to grow and evolve in your journey, look no further than your closest personal relationships. 

The people we are closest to (and specifically our relationships with those people) are the greatest teachers for our lives. Each one of our relationships powerfully reflects back to us all the parts of ourselves that are strong, happy, compassionate — and those parts that need more growth and evolution. It's as if each of our loved ones was deliberately placed in our lives to become close with us, to provide us the opportunities to become the people we need to become in life.

Within the context of relationships where I am neither inspired nor challenged, I tend to remain the lesser, smaller version of myself. So, in order to grow into the woman that I am today, I actually had to leave behind the safety and security of the familiar. 

A man that broke my heart wide open taught me that when I really love someone, I don't hold back, even if it may hurt.

A friend has taught me a great deal about myself and connections at a soul level. She taught me that it is only when we can love, accept and forgive ourselves that we can then love, accept and forgive everyone else. 

My love has taught me that it is only through great honesty and vulnerability that you can have great intimacy and love. 

Everyone in our lives is a spiritual teacher. Their purpose is to expose our hidden parts. They're there to open us up to the deeper truths in our lives.

Our spiritual teachers are there to help us awaken, recognize and understand our own true nature; to bring about the core of who we are and to evolve further in our souls' journey. Who better to assist us in our journey than those to whom we're closest?

There's something divine about it all. 

So, as you spend time with family over the holidays and  feel yourself getting irritated pause and  identify the source of your irritation and then look in the mirror about what you're unconsciously hiding. 

As you reflect on the past year and realize you're still carrying a wound, see if you can identify what that person taught you. What do you know now that you didn't know previously about yourself? 

As you're wishing to create more loving relationships in the coming year, go within and ask yourself, "Am I willing to think about this differently or see a deeper truth in order to have the love I want in my life?" 

Authentic Living

By John Kehoe

People talk about living a happy life, a successful life, a meaningful life. But an authentic life? What is that? It's a good question, and one I would like you to think about.

Just as “a successful life” can be defined in many ways, so too can an authentic life. For example, some people will define a successful life as one where one has earned a great deal of money and become financially affluent. For others it will be measured by their accomplishments. For still others it will be in the service they performed for humanity. Others again in the amount of happiness and peace of mind they have enjoyed. I have long taught that each of us defines success in our own way, and according to that definition, we set our goals and priorities on the way achieving this success. So too with living an authentic life. Each of us must define what this means to us. For me, being authentic means being true to yourself, and living the truths and vision you find within.

Being authentic means “living” your truths as a day-to-day practice, not holding them as mere “intellectual concepts.”

All truths must be lived not just believed. That is why we are here in a body in time and space. This is what life is truly about. We each have an opportunity to practice what we believe. To act out our deepest visions. To have a life that is deep and rich and filled with meaning and purpose.

Being authentic means knowing and trusting yourself, honouring the conscious and subconscious minds. Being authentic means listening within to hear the truths that lay awaiting our discovery beyond the inner chatter of day-to-day living. Then once these truths are discovered, to bring them to life by living them through conscious action. It is through action not thought that one becomes authentic.

We live in a society that is generally preoccupied with happiness, material success, self-gratification; these messages are in our face all the time, on the TV, the Internet, in magazines. There are winners and losers in life, we are taught, and you want to be a winner at all costs. This is the culture we presently find ourselves living in. It is important to know and acknowledge this.

However, being authentic means looking beyond the superficiality of life and finding meaning and purpose in a way that resonates as truth with our soul and heart, as well as just our mind.

Being authentic means living your truth day by day. And if your truth changes? Then let your actions change. And if you find you've been living a wrong truth? Then make amends and begin living your new truth.

Take a chance

By Amy Bloom

Telling people to take a chance on love is like telling them to get wet when they shower: There is no other way.

There's no love without risk, and, worse, there's no love without loss. It's true, one can live without romantic love and avoid the messiness of breakups, the weirdness of in-laws, and the tedium of another person's annoying habits. Without romantic love you can skip those terrible hours when you lie in bed, not alone, which wouldn't be so bad accompanied by chocolate ice cream and the 3 A.M. rerun of Law & Order—but instead you're next to the man or woman you share your life with, a person who, while claiming to love you, has let you down, disappointed you deeply, abandoned you when you were in great need. And, just as bad, you know you've done the same, and will again. If only perfect people loved, the species would have died before we got upright. And for all the pain and discomfort, and occasional boredom and unkindness, it's still a chance worth taking, which is why happily married people talk about the bad times with the perspective and humor of successful gamblers, and unhappily married people curse the cards, the dealers, and the stars.

Even if you duck out on romance, love, in all of its other forms, can still grab you and make you roll the dice. If we're lucky, we love our children passionately (sometimes so much that there's hardly room for adult passion). We plunge into that great love—some of us frightened and reluctant, some of us realistic and cheerful, some of us in a match-the-diaper-bag-to-the-crib-bumper frenzy—and spend 18 years doing a lot of giving, thinking, sacrificing, planning, and getting back much more:

She's so good at holding the bottle...I better buy a sippy cup. She needs braces...how can I help her not mind the braces? I hope she gets asked to the prom...how can I help her not care about the prom? I want her to be seen in the world as she truly is...how can I help her not care about superficial things, because she's a fine human being, but make sure she gets asked to every dance, because that would be so nice? 

And after all that, they go. If you've done your job well, they grow up and go on, and as close as they remain to you and as much joy as they bring you as the intelligent, interesting adults they've become, those scampering children, those little bottomless pits who took so much of your energy and drive and commitment, are gone. It is, in its way, like a great love affair that must end; that it only lasts a few decades doesn't tarnish its glory. That preoccupying, even blinding, passion does change. And if it doesn't, it probably should. 

Letting go and moving forward

By Karim Hajee

Let's face it. Many of us choose to hang on to things that at some point have hurt us, angered us, made us feel sad, or depressed us. If we choose to hang on to them, we will never move forward and we could even create physical or medical damage to our bodies. To prevent this from happening we need to let go but no one really tells you how to let go and move forward. Sure it's easy to say: "Just let go, move forward, forget about it, just let go." But that really doesn’t work. I’m about to show you how to let go and start moving forward.

Why You Need to Let Go and Move Forward.

Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to a negative or unpleasant experience you are constantly thinking about it. And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall everyday? Chances are you're like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you're holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.

The more you carry the worse life gets. Why? Because you've filled your mind up with negative experiences, because you continually hang on to something that doesn't allow you to move forward, in short, you're carrying useless baggage that's really slowing you down.

Think of it this way: you're on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don't serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you'll never complete your trip.

To let go you have to get your mind to focus on different goals and different objectives. It's not about saying: I let go of the pain from my fight with ---- and move on. That will help, but if you really want to start moving on, then you have to get your mind to focus on new things, in the process you automatically let go of the things that have been slowing you down.

How to Let Go and Move Forward

Researchers believe that that if you hold on to negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories there is a possibility that you could reshape the human cell to the point where your thoughts of the past have a negative effect on your cells and your physical health.

Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you're not even aware of. Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn't help me so I'm letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.

The next step is to create an action plan, the past is over. Where do you want to go now and how do you plan to get there? You may not have the answers but merely thinking about the options forces your mind to go in a new direction and you automatically let go of unwanted feelings and emotions.

The key to your success is to train your mind to move in a new direction so you send new messages to your subconscious mind, which then brings you the opportunities to move forward.

The final step is to live in the present moment, to start living in the now. Living in the now is different than living for the moment. Living in the now is the process of enjoying everything that is going on at this present moment. Take a look around you and appreciate those things that you once thought were trivial. When you are here now you can be nowhere else. You are not hanging on to something, you are here now. I know some of you may say the following: "But Karim, where I am right now really sucks, I don't want to think about it." It only sucks because you're looking at all the negative things going on. Focus on a few of the positive things anything from nature to the wonderful family you may have. This forces your mind to look at things differently and tells your subconscious mind that you're ready for new possibilities, then you’ll begin to let go and move forward.