Tuesday, August 27, 2013

10 Common Things That Trigger Chronic Stress

You know that when you’re getting chased by a tiger, you’re almost in a car accident, your “to do” list is overflowing, and you’re burning the candle at both ends, your body’s “fight-or-flight”  stress responses are going to get triggered. But you might not know what else will trigger stress responses in your body, and it’s important that you do!

As I explain in Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself, the body has natural self-repair mechanisms that can fight cancer, prevent infection, repair broken proteins, protect your coronary arteries, and retard aging. But whenever the nervous system is in “fight-or-flight,” the body’s natural self-repair mechanisms are disabled!

The amygdala in your primordial limbic brain is your danger alert signal, and it hasn’t evolved to keep up with modern society, so your amygdala can’t tell the different between dangers that threaten life and limb and perceived dangers that are merely thoughts, feelings, or beliefs in your mind. As a result, your amygdala may be sabotaging your health, and you may not even know it!

So how can you avoid chronic repetitive stress responses? Here are 10 surprising “fight-or-fight”  triggers to avoid:

1. Feelings of loneliness

As a species, we are tribal people, so from a survival perspective, being alone too much can signal the amygdala to trigger stress responses. Makes sense, right? If we’re dependent on the tribe to keep us safe, forebrain feelings of loneliness can activate the amygdala’s danger signal. Scientific evidence suggests that people who are part of a supportive community have half the rate of heart disease when compared to lonely people, and this may explain why.

2. Hunger

If you feel hungry, the message you’re sending your danger-seeking amygdala is “Houston, we have a problem! There’s not enough food!” Of course, your fridge is full of food and maybe you’re 50 pounds overweight, hungry because you’re trying to diet. But your amygdala is not smart. It can’t tell the difference. So boom: you’re in stress response, and your self-repair mechanisms are flipped off.

3. Selling your soul for a paycheck

You know that your job can be stressful. But it’s not so much being busy or working hard that will trigger your “fight-or-flight.”  Sure, even a job you love can stress you out. But you’re much more likely to wind up in chronic repetitive stress response when your integrity is on the line.

4. A pessimistic world view

If you’re a glass-half-empty kind of person, your forebrain is communicating all kinds of scary messages to your amygdala on a regular basis, thoughts like There’s not enough money, or Nothing ever goes my way, or Nobody really loves me, or other Eeyore sorts of thoughts that stimulate stress responses in the body. In fact, optimists have a 77% lower risk of heart disease than pessimists, and this is probably why. 

5. Toxic relationships

While loving relationships and a supportive community are calming to the amygdala and healthy for the body, you’re better off being alone than being in the company of people who stress out your nervous system. When you feel threatened in a relationship- not just physically, but emotionally- your nervous system interprets that as danger.

6. Being a worry wart

Anxious thoughts make the amygdala go ballistic. If you’re filling your brain with worries about the kids, the state of affairs in politics, whether or not your lover is going to break your heart, or how quickly the glaciers are going to melt, you’re certain to trigger stress responses.

7. Childhood traumas

You know those old childhood issues that stick around if we don’t heal them? You may not even realize that subconscious thoughts arising from old traumas may be triggering your amygdala when you don’t even realize it. Triggers such as places, scents, songs, or other sounds that remind you of the trauma may trigger “fight-or-flight,” even if you’re completely unaware that it’s happening.

8. Unforgiven resentments

When you harbor resentments—against your ex, your mother, your boss, whomever—you fuel your amygdala. Resentful thoughts are interpreted by the amygdala just like thoughts of food scarcity or a tiger on the loose.

9. Anger

It’s not just rage that will flip you into “fight-or-flight.”  Even thoughts like Someone just spilled red wine on my white carpet can trigger your limbic system.

10. Feelings of helplessness

The amygdala likes to feel in control—after all, it’s the amygdala’s job to protect you from danger! So feelings of helplessness can land you in “fight-or-flight.”

If reading this list sends you into “fight-or-flight”  just because you’re feeling all 10 of these things right now, don’t despair. This is where you get to be proactive! Awareness is key. Once you start to cultivate awareness of what triggers your own stress responses, you can be mindful about how you tend the garden of your mind so you can keep your amygdala calm and keep your self-repair mechanisms doing what they do best- keeping you healthy!  

Lissa Rankin

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Overcoming Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse may not leave scars, but it can cause pain for much longer than physical harm. Many women especially believe that just because they do not suffer from physical abuse by their spouse or partner, they are safe. However, it is not necessarily the case. The scars are mental and can cause a lot of grief and unhappiness. Although more women appear to suffer from emotional abuse, this does not mean that men do not experience mental torture either.

Emotional abuse happens when the other party erodes your sense of self esteem and literally, has a hold over your mind. Your sense of self worth shrinks so much that you no longer dare to challenge what is being said about you. You believe in the stories that are being told. Unfortunately, most of them are not true to begin with. Your partner spins a web of lies to control your behavior and for his or her own selfish motives. It is possible that he or she has an inferiority complex to begin with.

Perhaps, there comes a time when you decide that enough is enough. You refuse to be held hostage by your mental torture. And you want to move on. Fortunately, it is possible to overcome emotional abuse and regain the confidence and control that you may have lost to an abusive partner.

  • Dissociate from the past
    There is no point lamenting about what has happened in the past. It is over. Do not deny it either. Just accept that it has happened and that you are now on the road to emotional health. You may not have exercised control over your past but you can take charge over your own future from now on. Look at the past as lessons that point out what you no longer want for yourself.

    Admittedly, it will take time to heal from the emotional trauma caused by an abuser, but gradually, you will discover an inner strength and resilience to build a bright future. A change in environment may be helpful for you to de-associate from your past.

  • Build self-esteem
    Abusers are constantly hacking away at your self-esteem. When you come out of an abusive relationship it is essential that you rebuild your sense of self-worth. You need to recognize that you can be strong and capable of independent thought.

    Surrounding yourself with people who value you is an important part of the healing process. Form your own support group or join an online community that helps support its members to gain strength. It is vital that you remember what makes you a unique and valuable person.

  • You hold the power
    Emotional abusers do what they do to gain power over you. Consequently, you feel that you are being controlled and watched over every single movement that you make. You fear making decisions. In fact, you find it difficult to make one without consulting your partner. You lose confidence in your own abilities, incapable of rational thinking.

    The important thing is to understand that you are the only person who has power over yourself. One reason why you have been subjected to emotional abuse is that you have handed your power over to your partner. In reality, no one can make you do anything if you do not let them. Realize that only you hold the power. Look for ways to empower yourself.

  • You know what is right for you
    You are the only person who knows what is best for you. An emotional abuser will want you to make decisions that are self serving for his or her interest. However, such a decision may not be in line with yours. As much as you care for a harmonious relationship, you need to take an alternate decision if your inner knowing tells you otherwise.

    Hence, it is your job to take care of your own needs. It is not about being selfish, but about establishing certain boundaries. No one leads your life for you. Do what feels right. Trust your intuition.

  • You can only control yourself
    One reason that many women stay in abusive relationships is because they think they can help their partner change. A period in time will lapse and they would find that they remain stuck and with no signs of improvement in their partner.

    The truth is that you cannot make anyone change, you can only control the way you react to them. Instead, focus on improving your own life. In doing this you will discover your own self worth. You can then decide whether or not your partner is compatible with your new lifestyle.

  • Spend Time Setting boundaries and expectations
    People often expect a speedy recovery after being in an abusive relationship. If they do not allow themselves enough time to heal they will often fall into another abusive relationship. It is clear to see that they have not learnt their lessons. They continue to attract the same kind of relationships that have them feeling needy.

    Hence, it is important that you spend time setting boundaries and expectations for treatment in future relationships, before diving into a new one. Commit to a decision that you do not want to enter into any unhealthy liaisons any more. If you are clear in what you want, you are more likely to attract a loving and kind partner, unlike the one that you have been used to.

  • Do what makes you feel good
    Initially, you will feel free from coming out of an abusive relationship. However, you may start to experience insecurity because you do not know how to occupy your time. For this reason, it is important that you do not hang around by your phone, hoping that your partner will call and beg for forgiveness.

    Instead, find things to do that makes you feel happy. Take a class or pick up a hobby. Try to recall what it is that you have always wanted to explore. With no one telling you what to do or holding you back, the possibilities are endless.
In conclusion, it is important to have a vision of who you would like to become once you have regained control of your life. If it helps, look for role models. No longer will you be controlled without your permission. Most definitely, do what it takes to gain a sense of self empowerment.

Do not be afraid to ask for assistance from others either. You need time to heal and getting some form of support is always a good idea. You have the choice to make things right. Your future is bright; do not let anyone take that away from you!


-Evelyn Lim

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