How to mend a broken heart

How can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
... Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. 
-- Bee Gees

A deep loss can feel like your heart has been shattered into a million pieces. You’re left with shards of pain, metaphoric hemorrhaging, and difficulty breathing. The heart that pumps your life source serves as your emotional mind/body - A mind and body that writhe in anguish.

For me to say that experiencing grief is a horrific experience is an understatement. The pain is indescribable. Overwhelming. Hollowing. Aching.

Emptiness.

It’s a process to be experienced and cannot be set aside or sped up.

Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I see the big picture? Why can’t I heal?

When you break up with a love you not only lose your mate - you lose you best friend, your confidant and your future. All of your plans for tomorrow and your dreams for the future have been shredded and burned. Your heart reaches out pleading for reconciliation, but your mind stops you short.

You grab your phone. You write. You stare at the text.

The debate on whether to send the message you just composed creates conflict between your logical mind and your injured heart. Do you send the message or not? Staring at the phone you calculate your amount of self-respect versus the desire to feel better . . . if only temporarily. Logically you realize that sending the message will not change anything. Your heart yearns for connection. Can the logical mind mend a broken heart?

First, you must acknowledge that your heart has been broken. Breathe into the pain and accept.

Second, try to avoid denial and rationalization. This is a nightmare; you will get through it. It is happening. The only way round is through (Robert Frost).

Third, grief does not have a timeline. It takes as long as it takes. Surrender the belief that you will never fully get over the loss, but you will learn to accept it. You’ll get through it when you get through it.

Fourth, embrace the present because grief lives in the past. Your experiences have been lost. Living in the moment will allow you to tolerate the pain.

Last, be real. If you’re hurting don’t try to hide it. Authentically live in the moment of pain, acceptance, and sadness.

Breathe into the agony and accept. As Panache Desai says, “Lean into it. Breathe. Accept. Embrace and embody the blessing of sadness, because where there is acceptance, judgment no longer has any power. When you let this energy wash over you, there will be an intensity to it, but as you keep allowing it to flow through you, it will eventually diminish. Allow life to do its job.”